Hopelessly Broken

9. Where I Belong

4.10.20

"A long time ago, I had a happy childhood. Mom and Dad got along, my older sister loved me... It all changed when I turned 13." Yeah, come to think of it that is when Jack turned into a major jackass. "My older sister died in a car crash when my dad was driving her back from soccer practice. My mom blamed my dad, my dad blamed himself... They fought more over those two weeks than I had ever heard before. I couldn't handle it anymore; I needed something to take my anger out on."

He paused while licking his chapped lips. I waited patiently for Jack to continue, and once he did, my entire opinion shifted. "I actually started by taking out my anger on myself. I would stand in the mirror and mentally beat myself up over every single flaw... That's when I realized that I needed to shift my focus somewhere else. I thought it might feel better, and that's where you came in. To me, you were a perfect target; you were a loner, and half of the school was already convinced that you were a stoner. I just had to manipulate the school into hating you. I guess I kind of used you as a step ladder in my climb to the top. However, once I was there, I didn't recognize myself. I just ended up hating myself more."

When Jack burst into tears, I realized that I am now seeing him with no protections around him. I somehow coaxed him out of his fortress! "It just turned into a toxic cycle. I didn't think I wanted you in my family because I thought you were replacing my sister. In a way, you kind of are, but it's only because I can talk to you like I did to her. Now I see it, though. You make my mom happier. You make my dad less guilty. You make me feel... What's the word... Secure. For the first time since she died, I feel secure."

He stopped talking there and just went straight into uncontrollable sobbing. I slowly walked over to where he stood and hugged him tightly. I'm just glad that we shattered the barrier between us even if it is just temporary. Jack's arms embraced me too while he cried into my shoulder. I think I can get used to this.

Suddenly, the door slammed into the wall, and an angry looking Lincoln stormed into the room. "What did you do!?" he shouted at me.

"Dad..." Jack muttered while I just put my hand up in the air.

"Hell you're innocent! You made my son cry!" Oh boy.

"DAD!" Jack shouted. "I'm not crying because of him!"

"You don't have to defend this monster. Clearly he doesn't know how to act!" I ducked a well aimed punch from Lincoln– like father like son– and tried to dive out of the situation.

Just when Linc was about to attack me again, Jack grabbed his father from behind and pulled him back strongly. "He didn't do anything wrong!"

Jack is defending me? What the hell is this world? "Jack," Lincoln warned lowly in a voice low enough it could be confused as a growl. He's like a wildcat, and I'm his prey with the way I'm cowering in the corner. I know what fights I can't win because I'm not stupid, and I know that this isn't one I'll escape from.

"He's the only one other than you and mom that's been genuinely kind to me since Maggie died!" Jack suddenly shouted. "I haven't been able to talk about my feelings to anyone in so damn long, so when I did, I got emotional!"

Lincoln was gaping at his son, and I realized that I am actually the first person Jack is confident enough to confide in. That makes me feel strangely good. "Jack..."

"Dinner's ready guys!" Jamie declared from downstairs. Lincoln's hand extended out to me, and I gratefully took it into my own to stand up.

"I'm sorry, I misunderstood," Lincoln apologized earnestly. I nodded my head with a small smile on my face hoping that I reflected my forgiveness into my features. I walked into the dining room to find that it hasn't changed in the slightest since the last time I was here. However, the atmosphere has changed so much that it was unbelievable. Instead of being cold and unfriendly, it gave off the vibe of a real family.

"Devon, I called Meg and convinced her to let you spend the night here," Jamie commented cheerfully about halfway through the meal. "And did you ever text that girl?" My eyes widened at her words, and I realized that I had accidentally forgotten. "Devon you text that girl right now, don't stand her up!" Jamie commanded.

I whipped my phone out quickly because Jamie is freaking scary, and I found her number in my phone. I quickly opened up a text chat and got to work. My food is now long forgotten.

-Hello, is this Eveline?

Yes, who is this?-

-It's Devon. From school

Oh! I was certain that you weren't going to text me.-

-I'm sorry about that, I've had a crazy few days.

That's perfectly fine, I'm just glad that you texted me now :) I'll add you to my contacts-

Why does she have to be so perfect? She's kind, sweet, beautiful, and smart, so what the hell does she want with me?

Alright, you're in-

-Awesome

You know what, I'm just going to go for it. What's the worst that can happen? Actually... A lot can happen! I'm so screwed!

-Hey, did you want to go out sometime?

Damn it, Devon! What if you botched it!

I'd like that-

I really want to screech like a fan girl right now! I've liked Eveline since 3rd grade, and now I finally have a chance with her.

-How about we go to Jerry's tomorrow

-I'm down for that. I'll meet you there at 5:30.

-Epic... I'm really excited

"Who'd you get with?" Jack asked since he obviously read my face.

I pulled my notepad from my pocket and wrote Eveline Pearson on it before sliding it across the table to him. "Bro, good catch! She isn't my type, but I've heard that she's famous for rejecting guys. Everyone that's into her has always been told the same, 'Sorry, I like someone else,' line."

She actually made the first move. I've liked her since 3rd grade.

"Maybe you're the one she liked, who knows."

I smiled. Where I'm weak, he's strong, and vice versa. For instance, I'm mostly in control of my emotions, but my social game is non-existent. He knows so much about people, yet he seems to keep real feelings sealed behind the thick barrier of this fake person he wears like a costume.

"Oh my God they're getting along!" Jamie suddenly squealed which effectively ruined the moment.

"Mom!" Jack groaned while slamming his head against the table dramatically.

"What? Is a woman not allowed to be happy?" Jamie joked before slapping a hand over her chest as if she had been shot. I couldn't help but giggle at their antics. It's insane how similar Jamie is to her son. "Devon, sweetie, I'm going to go set up a bed on the floor in Jack's room."

I think that this family is where I belong.