Hopelessly Broken

3. Shattered

3.24.20

I walked out of the room with a slight frown. Why is he so hell bent on hating everything about me?

I got down to the table, and I saw that Jamie and Lincoln were already seated. I pulled out a chair while worrying about seeming normal while I ate. I looked up and found myself face to face with a scowling Jack and a table full of food.

"It looks amazing," I complimented honestly. Good food is hard to come around at the orphanage.

"Thank you, Devon. It's been a second since I've had a grateful child eating," Jamie responded with a pointed look at Jack.

"Ass kisser," Jack coughed while pretending that he choked on his water. I rolled my eyes before politely waiting for everyone else to take food first. While I was reaching out to finally get a taste of heaven, I received a sharp kick under the table. I ignored it with a gentle smile, and I could sense the heavy annoyance from the other side of the table at the lack of reaction.

I made conversation while doing my best to pretend there wasn't a dark blob off to the side glaring at me. Finally, however, I snapped because I was tired of playing this little game. He was being an ungrateful, moody fish, and I didn't think that Jamie deserved to deal with that.

"Thanks for dinner... It was horrible," Jack commented slyly, and I could see it in Jamie's face that it hurt her. Just when Lincoln was about to blow up, I got there first. Roll up your sleeves, it's about to get messy!

"The hell is your problem?" I snapped.

"You're my problem! You think you can just come in here and weasel your stupid way into my family?"

"You're the one that treats your own mother like shit!"

"Well at least my mom wanted me!" Oh ho ho, low blow. I shall enjoy going off thoroughly now because he completely deserves it.

"You have never known what it's like to want anything in life, you spoiled, ungrateful brat! I'm tired of seeing you throw away what you have when people out there wish they could have what you do! Do you honestly think that I don't yearn to have parents that care every single damn night!? You... You have that, and you're content to throw it out the window!"

Jack let out a savage growl before leaping at me over the table. We landed on the floor, and I felt a well aimed punch hit me in the nose. The crack was horribly loud, so I knew that it was broken. Green light; you started it, and I will finish it.

I hit him back with only enough power to give him a little warning. Just a light tap on the jaw. I felt his fist connect with my left eye, and I knew that I would have a bruise there. It was at that moment that I just went limp and let the hits rain. It was funny, really. Any decent person wouldn't hit someone that wouldn't fight back.

When he was exhausted from using me as his personal punching bag, I rolled us over. Now I was the one attacking him furiously, but at least he was defending himself.

Finally, like jeeze, took you long enough, I was pulled away from the fight by Lincoln. "I was worried that this would happen."

"The boy had a point, Linc. It was not okay for Jack to go for his parents."

"I know, but he shouldn't have hit our son."

"Weren't you paying attention? Our son hit him first!"

"So? He's the guest. He shouldn't be acting that way if he actually wanted us to take him."

"Should we take him to the hospital? He seems a little bit distant." A hand waved in front of my face.

"He'll be fine, Jamie. We should be more concerned about our actual son." Oh, so he's the type that thinks his kid can do no wrong? In all honesty, I'm just thinking about this disaster. Just when I thought I might have a chance, it was blown back up in my face.

I sat up, but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything except satisfaction. "Take me home. You obviously don't want me now," I demanded.

"Okay," Lincoln responded before leading me back out to the car.

I got in with a slightly crushed heart and watched as the world slowly passed by. Before I knew it, we were outside of the orphanage. I unhooked the seatbelt and got out of the car before walking up the step.

"Devon~ how did it g- oh." All Megan had to do was see my beat up face to understand that it didn't go well. "Come on, I'll get you cleaned up."

I sat extremely still while she fixed my face. The pain didn't compare anything to the broken crumbs of my heart littering my chest, but my broken nose stung.

"Please go to sleep now. You have school in the morning."

"I'm not going," I muttered.

"Yes you are!"

"Yes I am." There's no arguing Megan.

I walked into my room before sitting down on the edge of the bed. I don't want to try anymore after that. I pulled the pack of cigarettes out from my drawer and made my way to the deck. I closed the door so I wouldn't hear Megan screaming at me and sat with my legs over the other side of the railing. I lifted a cigarette to my mouth and lit it before taking a huge hit.

I wish I could forget this, but I'm afraid that it's impossible. The amount of hope I had that it would work out was too great, and I got myself hurt again. I need to stop putting faith into things because I just end up getting hurt. The only thing I had ever trusted without being betrayed was gone now; my best friend. We grew up together before he was adopted out of this hellhole. Tell me why I'm so unfortunate that I'm still here at the end of the day.

I took another hit from the nicotine stick and watched the world passing below me. It was liberating to see the cars below me, and the cold night air was luring me into a calmer state. I looked at the moon, and it was fairly full. I sometimes wish that I was the moon because I could just float without a care. I could watch the world pass by below me while I didn't have to worry about parents or being adopted. Honestly, I just need to stop trusting things.

I inhaled again, but when I exhaled, the stress didn't die. It continued to plague my mind with its stupid shouting. Whenever I try to tell it to go away, it gets louder. I looked down into the parking lot when there was a loud honk of a horn. I saw a frantic looking Jamie jump out of the car and run up to the door of the orphanage. Did she see me up here, or is she just trying to talk to me again.

"Devon, Jamie wants to talk to you," Megan announced from the now open door.

"Tell her I said no," I responded while taking a long hit.

"I can't, she's physically in your room."

"No."

"I'll bring her out here."

"Megan! I said no!"