the royals ✅

chap 11: mark my words, you'll pay

 Control. A verb. My favorite verb of choice. Orderly. The running of things in an orderly way. I lived, breathed, and made choices KNOWING I was in control. A dull smile crosses my face as my opponent and I shake hands. It's Ryder, Tanya's boyfriend from two nights ago, a peaceful smile painted on his lips. He holds no enmity, to my surprise. But for some reason, I feel the need to wipe that smile off his lips. Wipe the happiness from his eyes.

 If I suffer, why shouldn't everyone else? Channeling my anger is a common tactic to ease my pain. I do often, unintentionally- without even realizing it. "It must be pitiful knowing that your girlfriend is obsessed with my boyfriend" I sneer, and Ryder raises a quizzical eyebrow. I can see the smile hiding behind his expression, but he doesn't rise to my bait. He stays on his heels, not letting my words get to him, affect him, none of it. 

 People are staring at us now, as we both gear up for the race, "You remind me of my sister," He replies, calm as ever, as the crowd murmurs around us "She ate herself alive. Destroyed herself, in fact. I'd watch out if I was you" The words leaving his mouth don't seem to process themselves for a few seconds, and once they do, I'm filled with fury. I see red. My blood boils under my skin. His words hurt. Lots of words fall off my shell- unnoticed by me. I don't let things often get to me.

"And you remind me of my brother," I hit back immediately, raising my hand to shake his. I do, in fact have a brother, but he's torn himself as far as possible from our family as possible. She hasn't seen him in years, and I don't want to meet him. He left us.  "He tore himself apart for a girl that wouldn't give him anything" His expression drops. I hit him where it hurts, and I know it. But his words sink in. Ate herself alive. Destroyed herself. And he's right. But I can't stop. Unlike his sister however, I will not stop fighting till my last breathe. Because that is who I am. And who I will always be. I don't stop, regardless of the consequences, regardless of how badly I can get hurt.

 I turn my gaze slowly to look at him, rake my gaze over his features, "Ready to race?" I finally say, my tone filled with bitterness. His eyes are bright as he stares back at the car and his mood seconds ago is gone. His car is a sleek black model, shining against the sunlight.

 He grins, his teeth peeking out,"I hope you feel better. I hope you'll learn how to control your emotions" Ryder genuinely says, his voice a whisper, and my heart drops at these words. I don't want this pity, god no, I don't want the pity. I don't want to be someone he thinks needs pity.

No. No. No. The words repeat in my head. I hope you feel better. As if I'm a basket-case, a nutcase, someone who needs to feel better. Someone who isn't alright. Because I am alright. Perfect. I'm fine. Absolutely perfect.

I hope you feel better.

I hope you feel better.

I cuss under my breathe, slowly shoving open the car door. I let a small smile slide past my lips as the words repeat again, a small breathless and cynical smile crossing my lips. I don't know if I can do this. I've been racing for years- even before I had my actual license. I have complete control on the road, but my nerves are at an all time high. But as I always do, I force myself into the car, force myself to start the engine, force myself to grip the steering well, force myself to kick the accelerator. I take a deep breathe, in and out, my hands shaking on the wheel.

The car finally starts, the alarm blares, and I press my foot on the accelerator roughly, slamming forward almost instantly. He leads by several feet, but I don't let the gap grow bigger. Lap 1, Lap 2, Lap 3. Time seems to slow.

Lap 4. The final lap. The end.

The car drifts slightly as I cross the corner, pressing the brakes slowly. I push down on the accelerator, pushing myself forward. I'm head to head with Ryder, who has the audacity to mockingly smile at me. He then waves, a little wave that is barely visible, but I see it. Fury sweeps over me. This is my battleground and he'd do well to remember that. And then my car is sliding past his, cutting him off.