the royals ✅

chap 54: spill my secrets.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about" He replies without skipping a beat, his eyes flashing as they meet her own green ones, which are currently glossing over. She wipes her eyes with her sleeves, still unable to speak.

 She just breathes in and out, "Where did you hear about it?" She stutters, hating how weak her voice comes out. It's raspy and pathetic. This is what he has done to her- made her weak, unable to even speak about him. She won't do that anymore. She won't allow herself to be weak. Allow herself to see weaknesses. His expression softens as he gazes at her upset expression. She feels as if all the air has been sucked from her lungs again, but it is far more controllable than the last time. She can control herself, force herself to calm down.

She does so, forcing a few breathes, her heartbeat slowing down in her chest.

Her voice is louder, paranoid when she speaks again, "He came out of nowhere, I swear. I had no idea. I was talking to Blair," And she pauses, realizing she can't tell him about the truce. That would expose everything about her, and she isn't ready for that "And he just, appeared. And I ran as fast as I could. I didn't even know what I was doing" She shifts her gaze away from his, and he presses warm hand against hers, intertwining both their hands, gazing intently at her. She can see the pity in his eyes, and she does not want his pity. She rips her gaze away again now, her heart thudding in her chest as she forces herself to continue.

"I just, I have so many questions for him," And she is more confused and more confused as she speaks, taking an airy breathe as she collects herself, her eyebrows furrowing "Like, why did he come back? Why did he tell me he wanted me dead, and then, tell me that he misses me? Why did he leave me? Why is he turning me in circles? How did he find me? And what made him come around?"

"You know," Axel says, gripping her hand as she hyperventilates. She calms down after several seconds, stopping her rambling, turning to look at him apologetically. She can understand if she is boring him, if he wishes to leave "Maybe he just wants you back?" He offers, and Alexis scoffs.

 Maybe he does. But his timing is strange. And she wants to give him a chance, god, she does. But she has to be careful about. Watch him. Carefully. A trial period, even. She needs him to explain to her, first, why he is here. So maybe she'll stop avoiding him. Allow him to speak to her. Allow him to explain himself. He deserves that much from her. "I don't trust him. Not anymore. I have no idea why he's back" She admits, her hand on the back of her neck uneasily. She caresses the tattoo on her side, staring at it. The one on her collarbone is more prominent. It reminds her the words on their- Focus, in Arabic, a pretty script, mean nothing anymore.

She has nothing to look forward too. If anything, she deserves this. She should at least give him a chance. After all this time, after all she has done, she has to. Even if Adonis cannot stop her downward spiral, even if this all began as something for him, it isn't anymore. It's for her.

And he's part of it- he'll always be, but she misses him. She misses his body against hers. She misses everything about him. She's careful, wary, but she deserves to give this a shot. God, she deserves a true shot at happiness- she deserves to smile, and mean it.

Even if it is only for a short period of time. "That's a pretty tattoo" He remarks, watching her carefully, and she offers a sad smile, her lips turning downwards.

"It used to mean something to me. It doesn't anymore" She replies, and she laughs slightly, easing the tension in the air, but it fails miserably. It's a restricted laugh, as she is unable to pull off her usual facade, her usual cold, distant attitude.

 He just smirks, "If it makes you feel better, I have a tattoo of Rhea's name, tatted right underneath my forearm" He says, shrugging carelessly, as if it doesn't bother him anymore. He doesn't realize it, but it does, in fact, help her feel better. Her tattoo doesn't seem so stupid anymore- not in the light of his at least, at least she hasn't tatted someone's name on her body. But it still isn't enough. 

 So many questions, just waiting to be asked. They rest on the tip of her tongue. She refuses to leave them unsaid. She has had enough silence- enough ignorance for a life time. She has spent far too much time avoiding her issues. Shying away from them. She needs to face him, whenever, however. She's strong enough for rejection. Or she thinks she is. Either way, it doesn't matter. She wants to talk to him. She wants to hear his gorgeous voice, his accent, his pretty face.

 She doesn't want to think, "Show me" She says, pursing her lips as he raises his forearm, tilting it strangely for her to be able to see the clear script. It's small, but still, if he was playing around with anyone, moving his arm, it would easily be noticeable.

She sips the wine cooler now, eyes fixated on the moon. Alexis wasn't ready Adonis to come back. She'd have to up her game, be more careful then ever. Even if he wants her back, she needs to watch out.

She doesn't want be stabbed in the back again. Alexis crushes the cooler under her foot, rising. She wonders when she forgot who she was: someone who refused to let anyone tear her apart, break her, or tear her walls down.

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