chap 15: parker astor is not a fool

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credits to catchingoceans

credits to catchingoceans

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  Parker Astor remembers every single detail vividly, small and big, of the day he found his sister with an empty bottle of pills in front of her. An unsettling smile on her face, one that had him against the wall, breathing raggedly for any air he could possibly force into his lungs. It was as if ending it was more peaceful then living. As if suicide was less painful then her demons.  He remembers the bright blue and red flashing lights of the ambulance, playing against the countless glass walls in his house. He remembers the tears that filled his eyes, he remembers his heart dropping in his throat, and most of all, he remembers promising her that someone will pay. Parker Astor doesn't make promises that he doesn't mean. 

  He remembers the day Alexandria told his sister that she was nothing. That she was a speck in the universe that nobody would ever care about. That she was a liar, a useless friend, a fraud. The day she came home to him, sobbing, her mascara running down her face. And while Alexandria tries her best to paint pretty pictures, pretty lies, he knows her.

 Alexandria is in constant pain. Refuses to attach herself to anyone, refuses to trust anyone. Her parents, her friendships, they've ruined her beyond recognition. He wonders how that must feel- to feel so utterly alone in your own mind, so utterly alone all the time. Because even as she paints on masks, he knows better. He knows her. The way she suffers in silence, the way she refuses to tell anyone what she feels, the strong, confident front she never drops. Something is very, very wrong with her.

 And he reminds himself that once he had loved her, he truly had. He had loved everything about her, everything from her pretty hair to her small toe. The pact with Blair, the marriage- it was something he had refused to agree to. He didn't want any part. But his father had broken down his walls slowly. Blair had poisoned his mind more, painted her own pretty picture, made him question everything he believed. And he'd fallen for her words, from her gorgeous pink lips, her brown hair falling perfectly down her back, her long legs.

 It hadn't taken him long to realize that he didn't want her. He wanted Alexandria. But it was far too late. He had no choice. This pact, everything. It ate him alive. Every single day. Perhaps, if he had made the right choice, things would be different today. His sister wouldn't be struggling. He wouldn't be with someone he had no love for. But now Parker wants one head on a platter. Alexandria.

 She is a bitter menace, a shadow of the person she once was. He'd watched her change in front of his very own eyes. From the gorgeous spirit she had been to the hateful, bitter person she was now. And he had watched with amusement as she had fallen on that floor, weeping, crying, begging.  She had almost ripped the most important thing in his life away from him. It was only right he did the same. His sister was his to protect. Before his mother had passed away, he had promised her that he would take care of his sister, no matter the cost.

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