Life Behind the Curtains: $old. (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter 19

Guyss, I think I'm going to start updating every other day 😁

Sorry!

***

Shawn P.O.V.

That was incredible. I've been with loads of women, but never like this. No one like her. 

With all those curves, those full breasts that yearned to be touched- Fuck I can feel myself getting hard again.

I look at the naked women lying down next to me. She's nothing I expected her to be when I first met her. She is too good- too good to be tainted by my dirty hands. She's too pure for my love.

I knew she felt that chemistry in the air, the craving of one another. The sexual tension between us has been driving me insane, so much I would leave at unexpected times because my dick was hard.

Fuck hormones.

I feel like I burn everything I touch. I force myself to get up and collect my clothes, which had formed a pool on the floor.

I quickly dressed and was about to head out when Amber asked, "Where are you going?" She asked it in the most sexy, hoarse voice that I just wanted to turn around and fuck her again.

"Out. I'll be gone awhile," I say, grabbing my jacket and shrugging it over my shoulders.

"Now? Where are you going?" She sits up, still completely naked, and I find it hard not to stare. "Nowhere that concerns you," I comment snarkily as I get the final word, slipping out of the apartment.

I just had an amazing night, I should be celebrating. But instead, I'm here sitting at the nearest pub I could get into.  What the hell am I doing? I abandon the drink I had just ordered and walked out into the cold, brisk air.

I don't feel accomplished because, well, the only reason I had sex with her was because my father forced us to.

Everything I've ever worked hard for, he has taken credit. That needs to change.

I've only been driven by anger, and when I get angry, I lose control. And my father knows that. He's been using that because I always get reckless that way.

That needs to change. I need to change. I'm going to prove to him that I'm not who he thinks I am.

I need to focus. Focus on my goals, my needs, and my wants. I don't have time for silly distractions and fooling around with Amber. 

But it's not silly. I try to reason with myself, because I know I care for her when I really shouldn't. You don't know anything, stupid heart. Forget her. 

I literally have an internal war inside my mind. This is stupid. 

I stand in front of my apartment,  breathing in deeply. Put on your mask Shawn. Like you always do.

I hang my jacket back and spare a glance at Amber, who was wide awake as ever and had slipped into her underwear while I was gone.

"Where were you?" She asks, expecting me to answer. "Out," I say, still feeling on edge. She gets out of the bed and assesses me, "You've been drinking."

I remain silent. Not exactly. I've been at a pub, yes. Did I drink a sip of alcohol? No.

"I can smell it on you," she scrunches her nose up in disgust as she gave me a light shove. I know she hates it. But I didn't drink this time.

"Goodnight," I say, walking out of the room. Guess I'm sleeping alone tonight. 

After what happened- Don't think. Just do.

So what if I drink? What's her problem? Why does she care? It doesn't make any sense. She doesn't know me.

No one really does anymore.

Sleep takes over quickly and I welcome it. I haven't slept well in ages.

***

I groaned as the sunlight shone against my face. Curse me for forgetting to close the blinds before going to sleep. I squint to see the clock- 12 am.

Shit. Amber and I have a business meeting to go to at 2.

I washed up and put on a fresh set of clothes- more businesslike. I had thrown on a white button down shirt and a black jacket with some black dress pants. I left the top buttons of my shirt open and left the black jacket unbuttoned for a less stiff and less formal appeal. I didn't even bother wearing a tie.

I walked over to the living room to find Amber with a book in hand. Luckily, for the sake of both of us, she has but on a shirt and shorts that barely covered her ass-

"Get dressed, we have a business meeting to attend to in an hour," I tell her, devoid of emotion, "Be formal." 

She looked up, startled by my presence. She looked upset at me, which is natural, but simply nodded, getting up and going to her bedroom to change.

She left her book on the couch. I sit down and look through it. Certain lines have been highlighted in the book with tiny notes on the side. I read one of them.

I love him. Indeed he has no improper pride. He is perfectly amiable. You do not know what he really is; then pray do not pain me by speaking of him in such terms.

             Pride isn't necessarily bad. Don't jump to conclusions about people that you don't know, especially those you intend to spend multiple years with. Don't stay in denial. Confess to him.

Is the last sentence about me? I shut the book and put it back just as Amber walks out. 

She had on a plain black dress that reached just above the knee. It hugged her body but not too much, subtly accentuating her curves but in an appropriate manner. It has short sleeves and a slight dip, showing just the right amount of cleavage appropriate.

I nod towards her, "Appropriate," before offering my arm for her to take. She hooks her arm around mine as we leave. She fakes a smile as the media comes into view at the front of our house.

We smile but don't acknowledge their presence, swiftly getting in the back seat as the driver drove us. I let go of her hand the minute we were out of view.

I need this business deal to go well.