Life Behind the Curtains: $old. (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter 34

I took a cab home.

Was it just me, or did Shawn seem..weird? Like there was stuff that happened last week that he didn't want to talk about?

I guess he didn't want to talk about it? I couldn't help but be curious.

When I got home, the penthouse was a mess. The floor of our bedroom was bloody. I checked all the rooms- which took quite some time considering how extensive this penthouse was.

I discovered the room Shawn had done his..suicide attempt. I didn't want to get a good look because then my mind would start to imagine how he did it.

Broken bottle of whiskey on the floor. Something I have to clean up later.

Shawn's right, why do I feel exhausted? Maybe because you haven't really eaten in forever.

I rummage the fridge for something to eat. My hands clasped around the wrapper of a candy bar and I ate it all.

Feeling somewhat satisfied, I debated on sleeping in our bedroom. Another look at it brought back memories of Shawn all bloody and bruised, so I decided to sleep in the guest bedroom.

But something caught my eye. There was a book open on the bed. Not his song book- that had a leather cover and the pages didn't have lines.

This- this was different. The cover was pitch black and the pages were open, along with a pen.

My eyes skimmed the sheets of paper- is this a diary? April 26th, 2020

That was yesterday, the day of his suicide attempt. I flipped until it was a week from that date. I read his perfectly neat, almost cursive handwriting.

April 19, 2020

She stares through me like a ghost. She won't talk to me at all, and I don't even think she can hear me.

I tried to do the best I could to take care of her. I don't even know if she recognizes me at all. I told her to take a warm bath and even filled the tub for her, but when I came back she was holding my hoodie and staring at it, visibly confused.

I made pancakes, which was her favorite, and when I checked up on her, she was sitting in the bathtub with her clothes on.

Seeing her like this scares me. I can't leave her side for one second, afraid of what she might do. It's like she's in a whole different world.

She won't eat, or drink, and when I put food in her mouth she only coughs it out.

What am I supposed to do?

The media is swarming all over me. I'm getting anxious.

I hope she's okay. It feels different without her here. It feels empty.

I miss her, a lot. Have I already said that? Well I do. I can't seem to do anything right without her help.

I let out a deep breath. Was I like this? I don't even remember? I skipped to a couple of days later.

April 21, 2020

I did something impulsive today. I regret what I did. . I kissed her.

It didn't feel right at all. Her lips were cold to the touch, and she felt like a corpse. I didn't get any response. She didn't even push me away.

It's like she's dead.

I'm losing hope rapidly. I feel like the days are endless, and I can't even write a song or do anything. My mind is too preoccupied.