Life Behind the Curtains: $old. (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter 25

Shawn P.O.V.

The doctor looked slightly stressed. Or maybe he's just old. Now is not a time to be an asshole. 

Thankfully, he spit out the news as fast as he could, not waiting for any suspense or shit like that.

"Thankfully, the scans show that the baby is not harmed in any way. We can't be sure that it won't in the near future, but please be careful. Don't take that risk."

I nodded. This was a lot to take in. This is my fault, but thank god nothing happened. I was supposed to protect her.

That is what a husband is supposed to do. That's what a father is supposed to do.

I knew I wasn't cut out for any of this.

But now, the only thing that I can do is grit my teeth and go along with it. Because, let's face it, I can't be what everyone wants me to be anyway.

So why even try?

I want to try for her. I really do. But, there's already so much weight on my shoulders and I don't know how much I can take before I break completely.

She sends me a small smile before retreating to the bedroom. I want to follow her and talk to her, but I restrict my temptations. I'll let her think about it for a while, processing everything.

When I feel fidgety, I find myself grasping the door frame of the bedroom. The door was left ajar, and I could hear her speaking.

She must be on a call with someone.

Feeling curious, I leaned over and listened to the conversation.

"He what??" A voice answered. That must be her best friend, I think her name was Melissa or something? 

At least she has a best friend.

You'd be surprised to find out how many people really hate me. Well, I don't blame them. I would hate me too.

"I know, it sounds really bad but I swear he probably wasn't thinking. It's not fair to put any of the blame on him. Yes, he could have stopped me, but he didn't. Besides, it was my free will and my choice to take a swing at the alcohol, not his."

I can feel my body freeze as I process the words. Why is she even nice to me at all? Why does she care? I don't understand her.

"Wow Am, always the wise one huh?" 

I agree with her friend. She really is.

"Besides, I don't want him to think it was his fault anyway. He already has enough on his plate as it is, I hate to be a burden," Amber reasons. "As his wife, you have every right to be a burden on him and you know that," Melissa comments.

Feeling as if I have heard enough of the conversation, I slip away undetected.

I want to know what goes on in that pretty little brain of hers. What made her so kind, so understanding, so good?

I wait until she's done, and when she comes out of the room, I look at her for a while. "What?" She raised her eyebrow, pulling me out of my train of thought. "Huh?" I say aloud, knowing damn well what she was talking to.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Ah shit, she noticed. I pretended to play dumb, hoping she would let it slide, "Like what?"

She sighs, "Nevermind," sitting by me. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know how to ask about it without feeling guilty for eavesdropping.

"We're terrible parents," she started to say. Oh nonononono, there she goes, putting the blame on her.

"You mean, I," I corrected. She looks at me sternly, her dark brown eyes stern as she snarkily speaks, "No, I mean 'We.'" 

I stay silent, not wanting to fight with her. She can be pretty stubborn, but I know she is right in some way. She usually is.

"Both at fault. My blame is greater than yours, as it was my decision. And that is that," she spoke with such finality, although I knew she was being vulnerable right now.

"But I could have stopped you. I didn't. That's on me. We were both too out of it. But I promise you that will never happen again," I unconsciously grip her palms and press them together, encasing them inside of mine.

"Never again," she repeated after me, as if testing the sound of those unfamiliar words.

"Umm, you can let go of my hands now," she says, humor evident in her voice. I blinked, feeling embarrassed for being caught in the moment like that, "Oh, uh right, sorry." 

I fidgeted with my hands, looking straight ahead instead of her murky eyes. What do I do? What do I say? I just made it awkward with her.

I let out an involuntary groan as I just remembered the forms I had to fill and submit electronically to my manager. "What's wrong?" She asked me, ever so delicately. She knows I'm a touchy subject when I'm upset.

"I forgot I had some work to do," I say, getting up to grab my laptop. She bit her lip hesitantly, and I tried not to stare too hard, "You can do it here." I simply nodded, grabbing my laptop and sitting beside her, fighting the urge not to touch her.

This is going to be a long night.

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Should I continue in Shawn's POV? Let me know what you think :)

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