Life Behind the Curtains: $old. (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter 43

Shawn P.O.V.

I couldn't sleep without her, so I did the most logical thing.

At 2 am, I snuck into her bed and snuggled up against her. I knew she was mad at me, so she wouldn't move from her bed. 

I- I was just desperate. For what, I don't know.

Her smile, directed towards me? 
Or her wide, innocent eyes as they glittered with amusement? 

The way her arms felt wrapped around my torso, comforting me? 

Her beautiful laugh that always made me smile? 
Her words that always put me at ease?

I was desperate for her to love me again. To trust me, care for me, make love to me, and talk to me.

I don't deserve any of those things. But that doesn't prevent me from wanting them with a passion.

She is going to hate me when she wakes up and finds me clutching onto her like a child.

She stirred in her sleep the moment I placed my hands on her waist from behind, spooning her from the side. 

"Shawn," she muttered in her sleep, turning over to her left to face me. 

She was dreaming, about me? I leaned closer, inches away from her face. 

I felt her gentle, steady breath against my face, her peaceful resting face making me smile.

It must be a good dream then.

"I'm sorry. I hate myself just as much as you hate me. I can't help but lie. It's all I've been taught," I whispered to her, knowing she couldn't hear me, "but you can make me a better person. You always do."

I couldn't stop my hand from tracing her perfect pink lips, which were slightly parted, "Make me good again. Please. You're all I got."

I held Amber tight, and with the reliant beating of her heart, I slept. 

I slept well.

***

"What the hell?" The moment she woke up, she tried to wiggle out of my hold.

So much for a good sleep.

"Get out! If I wanted space, you should have fucking respected my decision! You had no right," she shook me off of her and stood up.

"I- I-" I look for words, completely caught off guard. "You know I can't sleep without you," I left my tone gentle, hoping she would turn soft at my words.

"And what? That everything would be okay now?" She muttered a few curse words to herself, "Well it's not. Don't sleep with me anymore. Not till you fix your mistakes. "

I understood the double meaning behind her words. 

She meant I couldn't be in her bed or stripping my clothes off, except in her mind.

"I'll make sure I lock the door next time," she huffed as she kicked me out of her room.

Goddamnit!

And to think I could have taken this opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings and that we could work it out…

I think she needs space.

No matter how bad I want to tell her, she's never really going to listen until she has understood the fact that the contract is fake and that I had lied. Numerous times.

If we could just sit down and have a sensible conversation, we could sort this out.

I waited for an hour. She still hasn't come out of the guest bedroom. I cleaned myself up and waited, but I am not a very patient man. Especially when it comes to Amber.