2020 journal

april 23, 2020

3:53 a.m.

no surprise here. my sleep schedule is complete whack. it's day 40 of quarantine (yes i just stopped writing to count, and no i'm not actually quarantining to where i don't see the light of day. i have been to walmart once i think since the start.) 

i officially hate school. i don't know if i mentioned this already, but i hate it. i hate it so much. i have no motivation at all. absolutely none. i don't give two shits about my classes and homework. i only wake up these days when i have class, am tired of laying in bed, or am hungry. 

i miss vy a lot. and i've been on youtube a lot, watching college-related videos, vogue interviews, and military-related videos. when i watch air force bmt videos, i think of her. i hope that before i go out to la, i can see her one more time. i know we're not talking now, but for me at least, it's honestly just to give each other space and time to heal and be okay with not being together. she still watches my snapchat stories and likes my instagram pictures. but by the end of the summer, i want to be able to talk again. i just want to wish her luck and let her know she'll do amazing and that i'll be thinking of her. 

i found a roommate today! she lives in la and will also be doing afrotc, and she's vietnamese. when we first started talking, we mentioned what we put as first choices for housing, and turns out, there's a cheaper option than what i had put down. it's a loft that i initially thought was not available to freshmen, but it's about $1.5k cheaper, so hell yes i want it. 

also, my parents started looking at options for me to go in the fall, and they're considering coming, too. this is certainly a relief because i was kinda scared going out there on my own. move in day is august 19, so one of the options is just buying a one way ticket for me that morning; we'd just ship out my boxes the next day after i set up my p.o. box. another is buying a second ticket for my mom and a another one way back home (so it's cheaper) within the same day. a third option is to ship the boxes out there to my aunt, fly out and have her pick us up the day before, then move in together, then my mom would leave the next day or so. idk we'll see closer to august, but just talking about it makes me so excited!!