2020 journal

october 26, 2020

2:34 a.m.

this past week has been so weird. it's been awfully unproductive and draining. i haven't done any work since i finished my essay for russian culture friday night. it's sunday night/monday morning now, and i have zero motivation, energy, and discipline to get my work done. i haven't been to my russian culture class in about 3 weeks i think, and i actually plan to go to class tomorrow so that means i actually need to know what i'm talking about. i haven't read a single passage in the book that we were supposed to have been reading this past week and half. and i have an assignment due on the last 3 chapters of it before class (at 10:30 a.m.)...

instead, i've spent every minute today, that i claimed i was doing work, on my phone or on youtube or masturbating or something. i only left my room to eat lunch and dinner. it's pretty bad, and i also remembered i had russian homework a couple hours ago. i usually spend sunday cramming my russian homework for the week, but since it was midterm 2 week, i forgot it existed. so, i'll be cramming it tomorrow before class instead.

this evening alone, after meditating, i've been on youtube since 11 or so. i tried to read for about an hour before meditating but i fell asleep and woke up to my mom calling me downstairs. i finished the gymnastics docuseries i was watching (it was actually only 6 episodes not 7, i was sad when i went to click next and it actually circled back around to the trailer). then i went down a small hole of watching college videos (day in a life, day in a week, etc.) cause yeah they're interesting and entertaining to watch, but also cause i like getting inspo from them since i want to vlog and such when i go out to la. 

then from there, i discovered a small youtuber, heyxnatalie, and i'm in love. she's a filmmaker and so from there i started thinking about how i much i want to film things for fun with everyday life because it's the way i want to document life. so i pulled up some videos about how to actually film with the camera i have (it's not as easy because it's a camera meant for photos, so the video features are not as easy to figure out on my own). i got to a certain video and was like oh this looks useful let me sit down and learn how to do this right now, but then i realized i no, i need to stop and go do work. so i stopped and started writing this entry. BUT, i still might actually film this week for funsies. if i wake up early tomorrow (today?) with enough energy in me, i will film life this week. however, i hate the part of me that always has these great ideas and passions and desires, but they're so hard to put into action when it's something i have to go through alone. we'll see where it goes.

so that's how tonight is going, but let's rewind a little.

yesterday, gary and i went to go vote absentee (in person cause mississippi is dumb and me having online school is not a valid reason, so they can't send me a ballot in the mail), but the office was closed. i literally called the office a couple weeks ago, and asked for their times for absentee and they said they'd be open yesterday and next saturday. but i don't want to risk not being able to vote again, so i'm gonna drive down there tuesday or thursday morning. after attempting to vote, i went to go eat lunch with some friends--trin, lien, daniel, and jackson. it was a good time, and we went to go get boba afterwards!

oh, also, did i already mention that i've started running somewhat regularly again? i hope i can keep it up and make lots of progress. i still have not ran a full 1.5 mile without stopping yet, so we're working on that.

today, my parents got me the new iphone 12--wild!! not expecting it all, i'm satisfied with my current 6, but my mom said they were planning to upgrade me for christmas but they had a sale or something haha. it's like a phone trade, so it's pretty cool. it's a red phone so like, a statement. they also got me a screen protector with it, which we all know i need cause i be dropping my phone everywhere. my 6 would be shattered if i didn't have a protector i swear. i also started looking for a good clear phone case for it. i really want a hard case, so it won't turn yellow over time. i often forget my current case was once clear. it's like a yellow/golden brown now lol. it's so dirty and nasty ha. i've had this phone since the beginning of junior year because i shattered my 5's screen sophomore year and after getting it fixed (a pretty shit job), it was still loose and something happened i don't remember.

so i've now used the ipod 5 for 3 years, the iphone 5s for 3 years, the iphone 6s for 2, and now we're doubling to the iphone 12. tfw you're loyal to apple. i'm probably gonna set it up tomorrow, so i can check out the camera quality hehe.

anyways, i'm gonna try and go read the dream life of sukhanov now. wish me luck.