2020 journal

october 14, 2020

11:35 p.m.

do you ever want to punch someone and scream at the top of your lungs so bad? do certain people ever piss you off over and over and over again for the same damn thing even after you've bitched at them multiple times for it? i don't know if future me will remember the anger and frustration when reading this entry, but as someone who doesn't get mad easily--and when i do, i don't hold grudges--i must say this situation makes me incredibly angry to the point of wanting to inflict physical pain. i hate that i feel that way, but it's the truth. i just want to break something in his room or slap him across the face just once. i am not a violent person, but that is what i want right now.

now, this story will probably be funny to you, or you might just get second-hand embarrassment. or maybe you'll just think, what the fuck.... but i've dealt with this shit for literally years now, so no it's not funny or embarrassing or shocking anymore. it's fucking immature and inappropriate and absolutely disgusting. 

my brother is fucking sixteen years old and acts like a fucking ten year old--worse even at times. when he started going through puberty, obviously he's human and gets curious sexually. i'm not stupid. he started taking my clothes, either from the clean laundry or my room. when he first started doing it, i thought maybe he was exploring his sexuality. i'm an open-minded and understanding person, so i did not care too much. but my mom would yell at him, and i would take my clothes back. 

october 18, 2020 - 12:02 a.m.

i never finished this entry but i'm not as emotional so i don't have the energy to finish it. i'm still forever pissed off at this. it's not the same mad as most things, it's a ridiculous pissed off. but long story short he fucking masturbates into them. i hate this place. told him if he touches my shit again, i'm trashing his clothes and i'm not fucking playing. i'm shoving everything in a trash bag and if he still doesn't know how to act, i'll toss it.