2020 journal

may 29, 2020

1:24 a.m.

it's been a minute, and i realized i haven't journaled in a while. maybe i need to save that one article, so i see it every so often as a reminder to log my days. 

not too much has been going on in my personal life, but the world is kind of crazy. some days, i don't even know what world i'm living in. at this point, it's not unbelievable. it's almost numbing. 

ahmaud arbery, breonna taylor, and george floyd. i don't know if you, reading this in the future, remember these people, but i hope you do. these are only 3 examples of police brutality against black people this year. 

ahmaud was jogging when two white men chased him down and shot him. breonna was in her home when police broke in looking for someone who didn't live there and shot her. george was pinned to the ground by the neck using the officer's knee to death.

i'm at a loss for words, mostly. all i can do in my position is to raise awareness, sign petitions, and support the fight for justice, but it's better than nothing. i hope all this ends one day--all the prejudice and the hate. please tell me that in your world, it's over. 

as for me, i've been spending the last few weeks grinding away at my school paper. (i almost accidentally slipped the name of the paper, and it made me think, 'wait, have i already accidentally exposed personal information on here?' i hope not.) one of my editor's father passed away earlier this month, so it's just been me and the other editor leading this print edition. it's a lot of work--one all nighter has been pulled (i'll tell you about that later, it's kind of wild haha). many, many hours have gone into it. my goal is to have it complete by sunday, so fingers crossed that i meet that goal. just waiting on a couple more articles and pictures before i can finalize things.

anyways, my all nighter. girl, let me tell you, i was on some crazy adrenaline shit. it was the day of my virtual graduation actually, may 23. i spent all evening, all night, all morning(?) working on the paper. i thought i was crazy for not being asleep at 4 a.m., but my managing editor was awake too! not just him, but 3 of the 4 people in my physics gang were awake too! one of them had "napped" form 9 p.m. to 3 a.m., so he's a different case. but the rest of us pulled all nighters. i watched the sun rise, my friends and i sent each other sunrise pictures. i decided i wanted to go on a bike ride and enjoy the fresh morning--the physics friends said that gave off main character energy, and i'm here for it. 

around 6 a.m., i actually decided i wanted to go for a run instead. wild, i know. i had not run since february, i think, so i was hella out of shape. i used this one app that is one of those "couch to 5k" training programs that supposedly, by the end of 8 weeks, if you follow it consistently, you should be able to run a 5k without stopping. i, however, did it once that day and haven't touched it since... but, in the end, i was still pretty proud of myself for doing it at all rather than opting for the bike ride or staying in.

i got back at around 6:40 ish after going about 2 miles, and decided to start chloe ting's ab workout. also proud of myself for doing it 3 days straight, but i haven't touched it since. baby steps right? haha, just excuses tbh...

so, i was awake all morning working and then got dressed and ready to watch my virtual graduation at 11 that morning. it was a bit underwhelming and sad. it's not that big moment i've looked forward to for so many years, and i don't think i truly got to listen to the speakers' words and take it all in. i was more distracted by my family. but it's sad because some of these people, i may never see again. it's such a strange parting of ways. i know for many, it was even more underwhelming because they either watched it alone or skipped it entirely. 

btw, i've been into mukbangs a lot more recently. i'm literally watching zach choi eat cheesy spicy rice cakes and chicken wings right this second in a different window. this is my 4th or 5th mukbang video in this sitting while writing this i believe. 

more news: i just got my first job! a local clothing store was hiring, so they held open (walk-in) interviews today. i went in, did a 5 to 10 minute interview and than several hours later, they called me offering me a position. it was a very quick process, and i did not expect it to be like that lol. i'm not even sure what my official title is? salesperson? hell, idk. don't know my pay either. orientation is next week, so i guess we'll know more then. 

not really sure when i'll be journaling again, so i'll go ahead and tell you my plans for tomorrow. although it's 2:30 a.m. now, i still want to get up somewhat early (maybe 9?) and do some things before a couple friends come over. i bought marshmallows today so i can make rice krispy treats with some kinda stale rice krispies. i normally eat it normally with milk but it did sit in my dorm for 2 months in a not-so-airtight box while i was social distancing at home. i also want to make fried dumplings tomorrow. we don't have any meat to make pork dumplings, but we have a vegetarian tofu filling, so i'll make those. we also have frozen pork dumplings.

my classmates from my old high school are graduating tomorrow, so a couple friends are coming over to get ready and do a photoshoot.

anyways, i'm getting tired. time to scroll tiktok for a little then go to sleep. night night.