2020 journal

december 19, 2020

1:22 p.m.

i'm so tired. i watched a video about journaling yesterday. it's called "i journaled for 17 years and it changed my life" by lana blakely, and i think i'm gonna change the way i journal a little bit next year. in all honesty, i absolutely loved the idea of journaling on wattpad where i know there's little to no audience because i don't actually write books, and it's a site that is not commonly known among people i know. however, even though my name isn't on here, i still used real people's names and have talked about things i wouldn't want people to find in the future. so i'm gonna spend the rest of this month transferring this year's journal entries to a physical journal and delete this wattpad story. 

moving forward, i think i will just type on a document and then go back to write it. this is because i think a lot more clearly when typing, and my writing flows, and i also just type a whole lot faster than i can write, guaranteeing that everything is legible lol. when i write too fast--especially when my emotions are heightened--no one can read that shit. not even me. and plus, the only reason i've kept up with the journal is because it's easier to type than write. not only am i always on my laptop already, but it also doesn't risk someone seeing my writing and knowing i am journaling. cause like, what else would i be doing in with a pen in a little lined notebook? certainly not handwriting an essay or sending snail mail letters to people. so in a way, wattpad is my safe and private space, and if someone is approaching i can easily switch tabs to a word doc and pretend i was typing something there.

a couple things lana said that i want to keep in mind as i continue to journal: describe the setting (where am i? who am i with? what is the weather like? what sounds do i hear? can i smell anything? if i'm listening to music, what is it?) and every so often, a life update (what music am i into? books? role model? podcasts? etc, i guess?)

anyways, that's all i really have to say now, i think. i'll be migrating soon. i might spend one of my off-days at starbucks or quickly or bambu transferring my journal entries next week. 

i'm also gonna start cleaning my room tonight. my family is having christmas dinner next wednesday, and a couple of my cousins are coming over, meaning they'll wanna hang out in my room instead of chilling downstairs with the adults. so my depression room has got to go. the main things are putting away my second bed full of clothes, clearing the floor, and cleaning my desk. i have four and a half days to get that done. oh, and my bathroom as well...

well this is my last online entry, so goodbye. the rest of my entries will be in a physical notebook. 2020 will be the first complete year. i hope to keep journaling for the rest of my life. for me to look back on the memories when i'm old, and for others to take a closer look into my life when i'm gone.