2020 journal

october 21, 2020

5:58 p.m.

i've been watching this youtube documentary series about the culture of women's gymnastics, and i am in love with it. it's called "defying gravity: the untold story of women's gymnastics." i don't really know how to work wattpad all that much, but i put the link to it on this entry.

growing up, i have always wanted to be a gymnast, but i never had the opportunity to. i remember when i was about 8 or so, i read this book by ______ called " ," and it basically highlighted historical female athletes. included in it was nadia comaneci, a romanian gymnast who became the first gymnast to score a perfect 10.0 at the 1976 olympics. the scoreboard didn't even have four places to fit the score because they didn't think anyone would get a  10, so it just read "1.00." after reading about her, i wanted to be like her. i wanted to learn to tumble and dance like that. i started paying attention to the gymnastics in 2012, which is the first olympics i ever watched. i watched people like jordyn wieber, aly raisman, gabby douglas, simone biles, and laurie hernandez, thinking maybe i could be them one day. i started doing cartwheels and roundoffs in my living room because my rug had a 4-inch border that would mimic a beam. i even remember going into my front yard where there was a little bit of a slope, and i attempted a front walkover on my own. but i got into a handstand and just kind of froze so i fell forward and slammed my back into the ground. it hurt like a bitch and i was too embarrassed to stand up, so i lied there for a bit looking at the clouds. 

the closest i ever got to gymnastics was middle school cheer. it wasn't the same, but it filled a little bit of that childhood dream, and looking back, that was enough for me. i got to feel the energy on the mats and do some flips and jumps--i never got really good at flips, but at least i had a great toe touch for an amateur. 

then, i remember around 5th grade or so, gatorade was having this sweepstakes thing where every bottle had a code on the cap, and you could win different things with different codes. gary and i got two squeeze bottles out of it and a pack of eye black stickers. the biggest prize was a trip to one of their athletic camps, and gymnastics was one of them. i thought, this is my chance. i never won it, but it was cool to think about.

even now, from time to time, i'll watch clips of the ucla gymnastics team and be in just as much awe as i was the first time i watched any gymnast perform.

so anyways, watching this documentary series has made me feel so many things. it's exciting and eye-opening and reminiscent and also saddening. these women are often pushed beyond their breaking point, and it hurts me to know that even when they were screaming for help, they were ignored and neglected. i cannot begin to imagine the amount of stress mentally and physically they had to endure. 

it was exciting to see some of my biggest gymnastics inspirations again and also to discover new amazing gymnasts whom i've never heard of. people like katelyn ohashi and sunisa lee. 

anyways, i'm about to start episode 4 now, so i'll continue to give my thoughts as i go through! there are 7 episodes total.

in other news, i just finished my second russian midterm, but i didn't have enough time to finish it... i was trying to rush through the last section, but i didn't even get to the last question. oh well, i think i'll lose about 6 points (out of how many idk though).