CHAOS | Chanbaek +18

XXV

Thankfully, Baekhyun's phone could be unlocked with his fingerprint since neither he nor Chanyeol could remember the password. It was actually for the first time since the accident happened when Chanyeol was able to look into Baekhyun's phone too. It was just as he remembered: pictures and videos with them everywhere, texts and calls at every moment of the day. Notes with grocery lists most of the times but also moments the smaller never wanted to forget so he wrote them down. 

"You used to always act like you only see the good parts in our relationship", Chanyeol commented, finally breaking the silence after almost an hour cause since he got on his phone, the smaller refused to say a word, paying attention to the device that was holding all the memories he had lost. Then, his gaze would go up to the man that he invited to sit beside him, not saying anything but looking back down to the screen. 

"Where is this from?" Baekhyun asked, showing Chanyeol a picture with them from a place that he couldn't remember but it wasn't somewhere in Korea anyway. 

"This...this was made in Paris if I remember right. Almost two years ago." Chanyeol answered immediately, pulling out his phone to show the smaller the same picture that was on his lock screen. "You wanted to go there for our anniversary." He explained before the smaller could ask anything else. 

It was a feeling that was eating both of them on the inside. Baekhyun, because the man was trying to explain to him every picture he could find on his phone, telling about all the places they've been together and what they did but he remembered nothing and Chanyeol because the confusion he could see in his puppy eyes was breaking his heart. How he could explain Baekhyun all of their moments together? So many anniversaries, so many dates, so many holidays spent together, all disappearing from his memory. 

"You don't remember any of this?" he finally asked, looking down to the other that was still checking on some videos with the taller, some of them that not even Chanyeol knew about since they were taken when he wasn't paying attention or when he was sleeping. He still remembers Baekhyun waking up early to admire him before leaving for work, as the smaller always said but he never thought he was taking videos too. A small shake of the head was enough to make Chanyeol sigh loudly, long, thick fingers running through his hair to pull it back. "How did I let this happen..." he murmured, hiding his face in his palms while the smaller would finally put down his phone so he could look at him. 

"I mean, you can try telling me. Maybe I will remember something from the past. How did we meet?", Baekhyun asked, trying to sound cheerful even if meeting the man that was pretending to be his fiance after so long, in a rainy morning was a little weird, especially when the man, even if he was good looking, he still seemed to be older than him. "Why don't you tell me some things about yourself?"

Some things about himself, Chanyeol thought. Who was he, after all? Who was he now, after not being able to hold his lover in so long? Who was he now, when the smaller almost died because of him? Who was he now, when he couldn't be considered even a memory? Not even a bad one. 

"I am Park Chanyeol", he started a few minutes later, finally strengthening his back so he could look back to the smaller. "I am 32 years old and we've met when you were 17, almost 18. A few days before your birthday, anyway. Now you're 22 so we've been together for four years...Well, three and a few months if we don't add the past few months." He started, catching Baekhyun's attention. This man was even older than Sehun so how could he date, or even accept to marry him? How did Luhan even accept this? 

And he kept telling the smaller about how they've met, through Sehun, since this Park Chanyeol was no other than his brother in law boss. They've met on a Monday, 4 years ago when the smaller came to the office with his brother Luhan to give Sehun a visit. Chanyeol and he were also best friends so from what the older was saying, he understood that he was allowing him to have those lunches together from time to time in his office since he was keeping the man at work all day. "I knew that Luhan wanted to see him more and Sehun was talking about him all the time so I just allowed these lunches to happen once or twice a week". Next, the man explained how one day, this petite, fragile-looking boy was running around the office like a lost pup and just like in those cheap, romance movies, he managed to stain Chanyeol's expensive, white shirt with the coffee he bought for his brother in law. From there, for Baekhyun was already clear what happened but Chanyeol wanted to demonstrate that he knows nothing. 

Of course, the smaller would start begging to pay for it or at least clean it but back then, after meeting Baekhyun's gaze, the man couldn't care less about the shirt and more about the boy almost crying in front of him. Baekhyun was pale. All over. His face, his arms, his hands...everything was pale and in contrast with his dark, smooth hair. His thin lips were looking soft and rosy, always forming a childish pout every time he'd say "sorry" again and again. And his voice was the sweetest the man ever heard. Not even a child, hearing his mother's first lullaby could feel so much adoration that he did when he heard the smaller. His looks and presence were so fresh, so pure and so lightful...the complete opposite of his wife that was quick to come and invade the space between them. 

"I didn't even have time to talk to you. She just took over and the next thing I know, you were gone."

So, he was already married. Then, Baekhyun thought "what if I was just an adventure for him? What if I broke their marriage?" But as if he was reading his thoughts, Chanyeol turned to him and sighed. "Minji was never the person I loved. I was married to her for 5 years before I've met you and everything was an arrangement for our dads. She was the complete opposite of my type, the complete opposite of you but I tried to love her in our first two years of marriage. I tried to take care of her but she was too independent. I tried to love her but it was like she was made of stone and this continues until I became so cold that I started to sleep somewhere else, every night with someone else until the contract was done. And at this time, I got to see you more often." There was a pause between and a short laugh. "I never interrupted Sehun's meals with you and Luhan but after I saw you, I start making excuses to come in or "steal" you under the pretext of giving them intimacy but all I wanted was to get to know you better. And you seemed to like it.", he comments, making the smaller blush. 

"The day you asked Sehun and Luhan to take you to that restaurant to meet me...was the day when I got divorced. And without talking about this, without even thinking you'll have this courage, they told me that you want to meet me. And if at first you were shy and you used to get all red from any compliment or gesture, it seemed like that day something change. You were so sure on yourself, bab-" and he stopped, the smaller's eyes growing wide. "Baekhyun."

He explained Baekhyun how he, by himself, without telling anyone, without listening to his brother, confessed to him that day. And how they left together because his old brother said that he could never accept their relationship. "He tried to save you from the start...but you were trying to save them too."

These words made Baekhyun frown, waking him up from his trance. Save them from what? From who? He didn't ask but the look on his face made Chanyeol look even more surprised. 

"They...didn't tell you about this either?"

Baekhyun was clueless, asking himself how many things the couple actually hid from him all this time. Chanyeol just looked at him with a sad expression or rather serious, not showing his dimple anymore before he'd clear his throat. 

"You...wanted to leave. To leave so their relationship could heal, so they could be alone and heal alone." Baekhyun was still frowning, shaking his head until he finally heard the answer he didn't want to heat. "Luhan had a miscarriage."

The next few hours have been drowned in silence and by now, the sun was going down, the purple looks of the sky embracing the grey buildings of the town. Chanyeol left the bedroom about an hour ago, allowing Baekhyun to process everything before he'd continue telling him the whole story. Now, everything made sense: why his brother is having those baby shoes if they don't have a baby or why aren't them even trying. He couldn't remember these because no one told him about it until now when Chanyeol came. Chanyeol who was such a calm person and who seemed so lovely and caring from the pictures he had seen but at the same time, he was the person everyone wanted him to forget. No one wanted him in his life, in his new life but he still couldn't understand how bad the relationship between them could be, even if the taller already explained to him as the last thing they talked about back at Luhan and Sehun's apartment. It seemed like the person he was talking about and the person he was now are coming from two different worlds cause he knew for a fact that the man who abused him so many times wouldn't be cooking ramen in the kitchen as he is doing now.