red hot | grayson dolan

thirty

AVERY

Here I am again, staring at myself in the full-body mirror. My makeup is done, my outfit is on, and I'm walking on stage in a few short moments. Only this time, I'm nervous for completely different reasons.

It's our first show in almost a month, and I'm singing all of Red Hot's songs. We've been rehearsing for about a week, and I don't feel as confident as I should. I'm terrified of letting Austin, the boys, and the fans down. I'm experiencing so many mixed emotions as I pace around my dressing room.

What if I mess up? What if the tabloids rip me to shreds? What if I disappoint Austin? What if that sleazy MTV interviewer, Cole Cruz, was actually right about what he said? What if I get too overwhelmed and pass out on stage? All of these options is a possibility.

A knock sounds on the door, and Lily peeks her head inside. I'm getting major déjà vu from our Inglewood performance.

"As always, you look amazing." She eyes my sparkling blue dress. It's a dark navy color that ends before my knees.

"I don't feel amazing. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack at any moment." My stomach turns with a nauseous sensation.

"Just inhale deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Like we always practice." She places her hands on my shoulders and performs the action. It's our pre-show ritual.

I slowly shut my eyes and inhale the air into my lungs. After doing it a few times, I still feel extremely anxious. "Lily, this is useless. The nerves aren't just going to disappear."

"So, you're only nervous to sing with the boys? Or does this have to do with your own music?" She asks me.

"No, just the Red Hot songs. I'm excited to sing songs from my album, but I'm scared I'm going to butcher the rock 'n' roll aspect of their music." I nervously gulp.

"Well, your fans already know you're filling in for Austin. They wouldn't be here if they hated the idea." She reminds me.

"It still doesn't seem right. The hateful articles are only going to multiply." There have been a few nasty ones in the newspapers. I always catch myself reading what they have to say about me.

They're mostly about how Red Hot's career is plummeting and that they're becoming the "wild boys of rock" they were destined to be. From the car accident to the overdose, they don't have the best track record with the media.

"Who cares about what they write? You're going to kill it out there. The boys are so proud of you, and so am I. I know this isn't easy." Lily pulls me into a comforting hug, and I cling onto her body.

"Well, aside from my boyfriend, yours has been very supportive. Landon is a great coach, he walks me through all the steps and notes." I say while pulling away from her.

A blush grows on her cheeks. "Yeah, he said you've made great progress. I'm happy you have him for help."

"And I'm happy that you're head over heels for him. You're finally getting treated the way you deserve to be treated." A smile forms on my lips.

Landon and Lily made it official after their first date, and I can tell they're both super happy with their relationship. I know Landon will always be respectful towards my best friend, which is what I wanted for her.

"Landon is amazing, he makes me so happy." She says with a wide grin.

"Then we both did good in the relationship department." I nod and inhale a breath.

Mick and Nancy suddenly appear in the doorway, and I feel a little disappointed. I was hoping Grayson would be in here helping me calm my nerves.

"You're ready to go on now." My assistant informs me.