red hot | grayson dolan

thirty one

GRAYSON

The last month has been a struggle. I forgot how overbearing life on the road was. There are positives and negatives about it all, which causes mixed emotions for our group.

I still get that rush of adrenaline whenever I'm on stage, but that's simply because I love performing. For Ethan and I, the fame was never too overwhelming. Yeah, it sucks to have your privacy invaded, but I just try to have a 'fuck it' attitude when comes to paparazzi.

Landon and Lily are in the middle of it all. They usually find it annoying, but can ignore the photographers whenever they need to. Sometimes they care, sometimes they don't.

Unfortunately, Avery and Austin were cut from the same cloth. They both get extremely overwhelmed with the pressure of keeping up this perfect persona for the media.

Avery now has two roles in the music industry. She's a pop princess by day, and an attempted rockstar by night. This means she gets extra attention from the press, and I fucking hate it. They always critique her stage presence and how well she sings.

It's taken a toll on her, and she hasn't been right since that first show where she fucked up the lyrics. She performs her set perfectly, but always struggles with Red Hot's songs. I don't blame her, this is a very different music style than what she's used to.

However, she's been distancing herself from everyone lately. She always wants to be alone and lacks communication.

I've caught her crying in her dressing room before shows, and she barely eats anything. She's spiraling into depression, and I try so hard to help her.

Our relationship hasn't been too great. We don't spend any alone time together, and she always seems annoyed whenever I try to ease her sadness. I don't know how to make her pain go away.

The news reports and articles are only getting worse, and she has to read them all. No matter how many papers I rip up, she always seems to have an extra copy handy.

She's so critical of herself and wants to look perfect in the media's eyes. It's negatively affecting both her and myself. I love Avery with my entire being and want the best for her. But lately it seems like she wants nothing to do with me or any of us.

Lily tries to get through to her, but Avery also blocks her out. I feel like the only other person who can relate to her is Austin.

It helps that we're currently walking through the rehab center, waiting to finally see him after an entire month apart.

His nurse said he was able to have visitors and that he requested all of us come at the same time. Avery is holding onto flowers to give him. There's a card inside of the bouquet that we all signed.

The minute we step into his room, he gets out of his bed. His dark roots are peeking through his blonde hair and he has a smile on his face.

He's wearing a Red Hot sweatshirt and black sweatpants, and there's an aura about him that seems positive. He's been clean for a month now, and you can tell how much this program has helped him.

"Well, look who it is." Austin automatically hugs Avery. She smiles and clings onto his body.

"Oh my gosh, it's so good to see you. You look great." My girlfriend pulls away from their embrace to look up at him.

"I feel even better. Haven't touched a drug in thirty days. I even quit smoking." He grins down at her.

"Austin, I'm so proud of you." She hands him the flowers and he reads the card.