Come & Talk To Me: A JoDeCi Story

Chapter Seven: "Don't Feel That Way"

DENISE POV

Raheem's resurfacing understandably gave me the creeps. Over the weekend, I signed up for a rape survivor's therapy session. I'm going to try and keep a cool head at work, but knowing that Raheem is out there looking for me and Zoelle has me SCARED. I did my morning routine, dropped Zoelle off at day care and headed to work. I hadn't seen much of Pamela since she and Dalvin left together at the party. I'm happy for them though. I went upstairs to my desk and sighed....I don't want to be at work because the Raheem situation has me out of place, but this is my job.

I was taking notes for Jodeci's second studio album. I was so into drafting new ideas and concepts that I didn't even pick up the phone when it rang.

VOICEMAIL FROM: STAR ORGANIZATION:

"Hello Denise, this is Carrie Ann Weber from S.T.A.R. (Standing Together Against Rape). We spoke on the phone last night. I'm confirming that you will be present at tonight's therapy session at 9pm. I know you're scared, I know that you feel alone, but please don't feel that way. You called me for help, and that's what I plan to do. I look forward to meeting you in person!"

I sighed as co-workers nearby looked at me. Puffy opened his office door and with concern, beckoned for me to come inside. With the stares and murmurs going about, I went in. Whatever messages employees get, the company managers and execs get as well so....yeah.

Puffy: What's going on, Denise?

Me: Nothing that I can't handle.

Puffy:  From what I heard on your answering machine, I have to believe otherwise.

Me: I....I'm fine, I swear!

Puffy: Is there something going on with you? If something's wrong, I have to tell the group too. You know that you're the best assistant we've had here, and I don't want you feeling like you can't tell me. We care about you.

I appreciated his concern, but I was scared to tell him about that part of me. Plus, I'd have to tell the guys...I don't wanna do it! And I can imagine how hurt DeVante would be if he heard this from Puffy and not me. Teary-eyed, I broke down and told him the truth. He consoled me and told me not to worry about attending the board meeting, but that I would have to tell the group eventually. Puffy made me take the rest of the day off. I went back to my apartment and decided to take a bath.

That didn't help because when I was soaking, the rape replayed over and over in my mind. After I cleaned up, I lied down in my bed and cried for the next two hours. I have so many emotions right now, I want to get help for this, but part of me still remains fragile.

FOUR HOURS LATER.....

I headed to my first S.T.A.R. meeting and felt a sense of fear and anxiety. I'm about to bear my past to a group of people who don't even know me! This is crazy....

DEVANTE POV

Jodeci had a creative group meeting with Uptown today, and everyone was there, except Denise! I had a feeling that something was wrong because she never, I mean NEVER misses a meeting! When we were finished, I decided to go by her place to check on her. Another tenant was nice enough to open the door to the lobby, so I took the elevator up to her floor. I got off and walked to her door and knocked.

Me: Denise?

No answer.

Me: Denise, it's me DeVante. You okay? We didn't see you at the meeting, baby girl.

Still no answer.

Me: Denise!

I knocked angrily on the door until a middle-aged man came out.

Mr. Wayne: Hey, didn't I tell you to leave her alone?

Me: Excuse me?

I turned around and he gasped.

Mr. Wayne: You're that boy from Jodeci, right? Which one are you? DalVante isn't it?

I laughed and extended my hand and he shook it.

Me: My name is DeVante, DeVante Swing. Dalvin is my younger brother. How are you, Mr....?

Mr. Wayne: Mr. Wayne, the landlord. Are you looking for Denise?

Me: Yes sir, have you seen her?

Mr. Wayne: She left here a few hours ago, I'm keeping her little one for the time being. Come on in here!

I walked in and sat down on the couch. He handed me a Gatorade. Zoelle was sleeping on the couch, and Mr. Wayne picked her up, put her on his chest.

Mr. Wayne: I'm glad she's getting the help she needs. Considering what happened to her, it's the best thing.

From there, I was really concerned now.

Me: What happened to her?

Mr. Wayne: Well, you obviously know about her baby girl, but you don't know about her sperm donor.

Me: He's a sperm donor. Nothing surprising there, Mr. Wayne.

Mr. Wayne: No no, you see, Denise was attending Temple University with my daughter Reign. They were best friends there when she met a young man named Raheem......they dated for a while and when she broke up with him, he uh....he.....he uh....took what wasn't his.

My jaw clenched up in anger. Is he saying what I think he's saying?

Mr. Wayne: Yeah, he raped Denise and nine months later, little Zoelle came into the world. He raped my little girl too, but Reign got rid of hers. The worst part is Raheem knew Denise was pregnant, he left her alone anyways...probably for the best considering he did two years in the joint! Ya know, the nigga had guts to come here yesterday and demand to be back in her life? Over my dead body, I wasn't having it! She took off work today, filed a restraining order and signed up with a rape survivor group. She'll be fuming when she finds out I told ya, but you needed to know.

I felt two things after everything he told me. I felt sad for Denise because rape is a very traumatic thing for a woman. It's because of bitch ass cowards like Raheem that make it hard for real men like me to love women the way they should be loved. However, I also felt angry at myself and Denise. Had I known she had been through such a dark and fragile point in her life, I would have excercised more self-control and not slept with Denise on our first date. I'm not saying that she should have blurted out "I was raped", but at least give me something! And while most men would be completely put off by women with kids, I felt as though this little girl was here for a reason. The way she was concieved isn't her fault or Denise's, but when I held her in my arms, it was like she had never seen a male figure in her life until I laid eyes on her. Ya'll probably thinking "This nigga is too invested!" And ya right, there's a little girl who needs a father in her life, and I wish it was me. I just have to fix this shit between me and her mother. I think I'm in love ya'll....