To Love Irrevocably [18+]

Chapter Five

A large brown oval sits on the wall. Two lines moved from side to side and a pair of wings flutter. The cockroach moves to the side, then runs up before stopping. My stomach clenches uncomfortably as I stand before it with a shoe. A sweaty hand sits inside the old Converse. When the bug moves again, I groan in despair.

"Crappy apartment," I mumble as I lunge forward and smash the creature. A distinct crunch sounds from under my shoe and I curl my lip in disgust. "Crappy, crappy apartment."

Slowly removing my shoe from the wall, the bug falls and I hop away quickly. Trailing my eyes to the dead roach, I also notice how dirty the trim on the walls are. What's meant to be white is now the color of ash after years of wear and tear. The boring beige walls are marked with scrapes and skids. Holes from nails cover my living room from the last person who lived here. After a week, it's still bare inside this place. Uncomfortably so.

Suddenly frustrated, I grab my phone and dial the only person I know I can talk to.

"It's been over a week. It's about time you called, little brother!" Dustin answers in his usual cheerful tone.

"Hey," I laugh. "It's a two-way street. Last I checked, you have my number."

His familiar boisterous laugh filters through the phone. "You got me there. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I hate it here," I spout off immediately. And it feels so good to get the weight off of my chest. "I just killed a cockroach and I'm now realizing how awful the maintenance has been on this place. To make matters worse, I still have no furniture. It's empty, and it doesn't feel like home."

"Hey, hey, calm down, Sutton," Dustin says. There's shuffling on the other end and I wonder what he's doing. "Listen, I know it's tough being out there on your own, but you're doing okay. You're okay. You've been there for an entire week now. You can't give up yet, Sutton."

Dustin always manages to sound logical in times like these. Times where I'm ready to call it quits and ditch what I have going on. As if his optimistic personality isn't enough, he's also gifted with sense and clarity. My brother has saved me from myself more times than I can count. Here's another time that's just going to get added to the list.

Sighing, I drop my shoe and walk to the bathroom to grab some tissue. "I know... it's just hard to do this. I feel like I'm way over my head. I miss you and mom like crazy."

"To be expected. Just like you missed us last week when you called. This is your first time away from home. You're in the deep end, I get it, but you're okay."

"Yeah," I agree, though something inside me is still tugging away at my emotions. "Anyway, where's mom? Can I talk to her?"

Dustin sighs on the other end, worrying me. Last time, my mom was at work on her supposed to be off day. By the sounds of it, she may have taken up another shift. While she's not old yet, she'll be killing herself by picking up all these extra days.

With a groan, I ask, "She's working again, isn't she?" I guess, though, I know it's the answer. "What's going on? Why is she working so much now? She doesn't need to, especially now that I have this job-"

"Listen, Ave," he interrupts me, using my middle name as a nickname, "we didn't want to tell you because you're so far and we know how you are."

Pursing my lips, I rip a couple of squares of tissue and head back to the dead bug. "It must be bad if you're keeping secrets about it. What's going on?"

He's quiet for a moment, something out of character for my brother. Dustin has never been one to hold back from speaking his mind and his feelings. It's one of the many reasons people like him so much. He's real.

"They're raising the rent on this place."

The tissue falls from my hand as I jut my head back incredulously. "Why the heck are they doing that? The last time they raised it was like seven years ago. The place isn't even nice enough to go making us pay more," I vent, huffing as I finally get the cockroach up.

Everything I've said is the truth. Our home is a small ranch style where the rooms are barely big enough to fit a queen sized bed and a dresser. When I left for college, the fuses were starting to go bad, meaning the outlets weren't working. Since the place was so old, having been built in the seventies, we've had to replace the only two toilets in the house. On the outside, the paint is fading and chipping away and it looks worse for wear.

I groan once again, dropping the tissue in the toilet and flushing it. Our house is much like this apartment. Old and dingy. Not worth the money being paid.

"Listen, I know, Sutton. There's nothing we can do. It would cost a fortune to move somewhere else right now. I gotta go, okay? I have to be up early for work tomorrow. I love you, little brother."

I can't stop the whimper as I hear the beep after Dustin hangs up. Throwing my phone on the bed, I lift my hands to grip my hair, tugging lightly. I can't express the amount of sadness and anger flowing through my veins at this moment. Growing up with a single mother, I know how much working has taken a toll on her over the years. She's meant to be relaxing now, not killing herself to keep up with this ridiculous rent. I can only hope my first paycheck will be enough to send to my family and put food in my fridge.

Involuntarily, tears gather in my eyes as I think of all our mom has done for us. With no father around, Frannie Anstein did what she needed to do to provide for her sons. Becoming a mother at a younger age already put her at a disadvantage. Along with being sixteen and pregnant in a small town, she was a minority. Yet she never let that affect how she raised us. We always came first and we still do.

Sniffing, I wipe at my face and shake my head. Looking around the place, I grow lonely once again. It's now Wednesday night, and the weekend is only two days away. It'll be my first weekend with the boys.

It'll be the first time I feel welcomed.

***

"You look super focused, Sutty," a perky voice breaks my trance on the last couple of stacks of paper I have to check. Looking up, I bring my tired gaze to Amy. She stands with her hands on her hips, a shiny silver ring glinting in the light.

"Are you engaged?" I yawn, setting my pen down for a good stretch. "Since when? I didn't even know you were dating anyone. And don't call me that."

She giggles and I open my eyes just in time to see her cover her face, effectively hiding a blush. "I'm not, silly. Trust me, I most definitely am single... and ready to mingle."

Amy gives me an odd look, almost like she's expecting me to know some inside joke. I ignore it as I mull over her words. It seems weird that Amy isn't being chased down by men or women. She's a beautiful girl and I think she's nice to be around. Her personality is loud, but in a good way. In a way that makes it easy to talk to her or listen.

"Is it lunch time?" I ask, shaking my head from my thoughts. Now I'm the one blushing because of what I've been thinking about.

"Yeah, yeah," she says. Her shoulders slump slightly.

"You okay?" I furrow my eyebrows at her sudden mood drop.

"I'm great! Let's go somewhere else today. I love Jessica's but that's been a lot of bread lately and I'm kind of bloated." Doing a complete one-eighty, her smile returns as she turns on her black pumps.

It's been a weird day and her sudden shift in mood only makes things weirder. Shaking my head, I decide not to think about that. If Amy wants to talk, then I'll wait for her to be comfortable enough to come to me on her own. A watched pot doesn't boil.