To Love Irrevocably [18+]

Chapter Fifteen

"Hey, Sutton, are you even listening to me?" Amy's discouraged voice pulls me from my thoughts. Shaking my head, I lift my head to look at her, only to see a pout on her lips.

Straightening, I give her a small smile. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Not even important." She waves the question away before giving me a more intense look. "What's got you thinking so hard? Have a lot of work or something, seen any interesting shows, had a wonderful lay?"

There's always a lot of work, but I hardly ever think about it like that. I don't have a television, so I can't particularly watch anything. Even if I did, I doubt I'd be watching more than one show. I'm just boring like that. As for her last question, I have slept since last night, so no, no laying here.

"Sorry, it's just..." I don't know if I want to share anything about Seren with Amy.

Seren is like a secret I want to keep tucked away forever. The happiness she brings me is something I don't want to share, else it's not as special anymore. Since the day before, I've done nothing but think and dream about her all night, during work, and now on my lunch break. Seren Belmonte has taken over every inch of my mind.

"Nothing." I shake my head, giving Amy another smile. She only shrugs and goes back to what she was talking about; it just so happens to be poodles for whatever reason.

Suddenly, she claps her hands, startling me and almost making me tip my drink over. Shaking my head, I press a hand to my chest, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion for her sudden reaction. Amy's nature is being cheerful, but this is random, even for her. She ignores my look and reaction.

"What is it?" I ask when she says nothing after a solid minute.

She leans forward, causing her hair to fall over her shoulder in waves. "How about we have a do-over of Friday night?"

I grow sick to my stomach as I recall that night. Throbbing in my head forms, imaginary, but still a memory of last Friday. The last thing I want to do is have a repeat of that. Furthermore, Seren and I have plans for this Friday. That had been decided towards the end of our date. Surprisingly, she actually wanted to see me again, and the thought makes my heart swell.

I shake my head and sip my sprite. "Can't, I kind of have plans for Friday."

Without blinking, Amy stares at me. Her light brown eyes on me are unnerving to say the least, and I want to ask her to look away. What's she even searching for while staring at me? Whatever it is, she must not find it as she looks away. I wonder if she was looking for a plausible lie. One that doesn't even exist.

"For real? Are you visiting your family or something?"

Her words make me upset for some unfathomable reason. It's not like visiting your family is taboo or unheard of. It's also a logical thought. The tone used wasn't rude or even passive aggressive; it was just stated in a typical Amy fashion. But I can't help but feel insulted, like I'd have nothing going on for the weekend other than seeing my family. It hurts to think that Amy would assume I'm pathetic enough to have not even one plan.

A black hole forms in my chest and it sucks every good feeling I had before in it. Every joke told with Amy, somewhat friendly nods with Chandler, and my amazing time with Seren. They all disappear, only to be replaced by memories of a dark time. A time where laughs were all I heard, pointing was all I saw, and the word 'freak' was all I thought.

No one would ever want to be friends with Sutty the freak.

"Hey!" Any calls, snapping in front of my face. Her nails are yellow this time, not pink anymore. "You do that a lot, ya know?"

I hope the haunted look I feel isn't noticeable. Downcasting my eyes, I stare at the muted robin's egg color of the table top. Willing the horrid memories away, I sigh and clench my hand into a fist.

"I know," I answer Amy, nodding just head. "Uh, just have a lot on my mind, always." That couldn't be closer to the truth.

"Well, are you visiting your family or not? I know you miss them, right?"

I almost forgot how often Amy and I have lunch, which is every day, so pretty often. We're bound to have at least some meaningful conversations. For me, those most often have to do with talking about my family. Dustin and mom are two beings who will always hold a high place in my books. They're my people. They understand me. Though I can't help thinking about adding one more person to my list of important figures. At least someday.

Clearing my throat, I finally face Amy head on. I give myself a mental pat on the back at being able to address her as clearly as possible. "Uh, no, I'm not actually."

"Oh, okay. So then, what are you doing?" She leans forward, placing her chin in her palm. "And why are you being so weird and secretive about it?"

"I'm not," I deny faster than light, wincing at how guilty I sound. "It's just personal."

"Oh, come on, how personal can it be, huh?" She smiles, raising an eyebrow. "You can tell me. Who am I gonna tell? I hate bitches, remember?"

I shake my head, suppressing a smile. It's weird to think that not long ago, I was new and alone. Furthermore, it's strange to have a friend for once. Going from everyone making fun of me to having people care... It's a tremendous change. I almost can't keep up with how different things are. It must be the city.

"I uh," I start, grabbing at my collar and tugging a little. "I have a date with someone."

Things are quiet again and for once, it's not because of people. Well, technically it is because of what I said, but I'm not the one reacting. Before me, Amy sits still, her mouth agape and her eyes wide open. Disbelief shines in the brown irises of her eyes and her cheeks flush. I wonder if she's thinking anything negative like me not being the type to date. Or me not being man enough to get a date. Maybe she's even thinking I'm going with a guy.

"Date?" Amy asks, closing her mouth and tilting her head to the side. "You have a date?"

"Yes." I nod my head, pursing my lips. Now I feel a lot more awkward. I don't want to talk about how personal this is for me.

"Seriously?"

Growing defensive, I straighten in my seat. "Yes, seriously. Wh—what is that supposed to mean?"

Her red hair whips as she shakes her head. "Nothing. I just didn't think that you dated." She gets up and turns to throw her trash away.

Though her moments are fast, I don't miss the anger on her face. But while that negative emotion disappears, the frown remains as she makes her way back. Gathering her things, Amy watches me expectantly, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you upset with something I've said?" I ask her, my heart pounding rough against my ribcage. This feels like a confrontation, something I never do, but it's logical that I ask my friend what's wrong while she's hurting. Right?

Instead of replying with an affirmative, she shakes her head and sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. When I get up from my chair and come next to her, Amy shuffles away, casting her eyes from me. I suck in a sharp breath at the action. Pain wells in my chest as I see one of my only friends leaving me.

We begin our walk back to the office in an awkward silence. I pace a couple feet behind her, not willing to face the cumbersome tones in the air between us. And I guess Amy feels the same as she has said nothing. Rather than talk to me or even look at me, she's buried herself in her phone and the process of walking the busy streets.

Sighing, I watch my feet and soon the building as it comes into view. The elevator ride is the worst part. When Amy would usually fill the silence, it's now just quiet and uncomfortable. We stand on opposite sides of the contraption, as far as the four walls allow us. Once the doors ding open, the redhead is scrambling out.

I can only wonder why I've just lost my friend and how.