Crying

sixteen

⚠️WARNING ⚠️ 

This chapter includes triggering concepts such as self harm. If you do not feel comfortable reading this, please skip to my A/N in bold at the end of the chapter for a summary of what happened. Thank you! 

*Daytime Realm*

*Ten's Perspective*

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes had dark circles under them and my hair was completely messed up. I hadn't slept a wink since Taeyong had been hit by that stupid ass driver.

I sat on the cold bathroom floor and laid out the contents of the bag I had brought with me. Yangyang has been curious what I had been doing packing a bag for the bathroom so I had lied and said I was fixing it up. I picked up the knife I had stowed in the back pocket and sighed.

With shaking legs I stood up and took a glance at my shivering body in the mirror. I smiled weakly and closed my eyes. The sharp point of the blade was cool against the soft skin of my wrist. I drew it over my wrist until the skin broke.

"Ah!" I stifled a yelp of pain as the blood flowed from my cut. Blood spewed everywhere, getting on the sink and dowsing my shirt. Tears blurred my vision. "Can't stop......" I hissed through my teeth.

I cut myself again. Higher up on the arm this time. And deeper. It stung so bad. I slumped against the wall and put my head in my bleeding hands.

"Why him? Why not me?" I cursed between my sobs. "He had done nothing wrong. He's human just like the rest of us!" I cried, my blood mixing with my salty tears. I felt the tears stream down my face at such rapid speed I was sure I would loose all the water in my body.

I sat for a while slouched against the wall. I may have even fallen asleep at one point but I'm not sure. I let my arm bleed until I felt dizzy. Finally I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I wrapped my arm in a towel and exhaled deeply.

I never loved someone the way I love Taeyong. The first time I saw him I couldn't even speak Korean but I was instantly shocked by his beauty. I didn't know it wa possible for someone to be so attractive. So flawless. Even the tiny scar by his eye is cute. And his eyes are two different sizes which I find so adorable! 

Once we could finally talk I realized he wasn't just a sculpture of the gods but also one of the most compassionate, honest, and loyal people I've ever met. He's so, so perfect. I don't know how else to put it. I don't understand why someone could hate him so much when he works all day and night trying to protect us and the Nctzens. Why would you hate him? You've got to be pretty toxic and miserable to disrespect someone who only wants to bring good to the world. Pretty toxic and miserable indeed.

My mind spun with all the thoughts trapped inside my head. I loved him, did he love me? No he loved Jaehyun. And I had made things a whole lot worse kissing Yangyang. I made Hendery jealous, Yangyang embarrassed, and left Taeyong heartbroken. This was all my fault.

I messed up big time. I screwed everything up. If not for me, Taeyong wouldn't have been so depressed and tired all the time. And now, because of me, he was practically gone.

I can't even visit him. I feel sick seeing him hooked up to all those tubes, his heart rate beeping though the little monitor. He seems so small. So weak. So broken.

I hissed as I stabbed my arm again. I can't control myself anymore. Everything I do mixes into one giant picture that is my fucked up life. Stabbing the hell out of my arm doesn't seem like a big problem compared to Taeyong being hospitalized.

Finally after what seemed like, and definitely have could been hours I grabbed the sweater from my bag and slipped it on. I used my t-shirt to soak up all the spilled blood on the floor and countertop. Once I double a checked there was no evidence of what I had done I stashed the knife in my bag and went to my room.

I curled up in a still bleeding ball on my bed. I grabbed my phone and clicked on the News icon. I typed in the keyword Taeyong and waited. I quickly skimmed over the articles. They all said the same thing; him and three other pedestrians we're victim to a careless driver. Nothing else. What had I ever been expecting though?

I sighed and set my phone on my nightstand.This was going to be a very long and depressing lifetime if I couldn't have Taeyong by my side. 

I only want Taeyong.

I live for Taeyong.

I love Taeyong. 

Please God, have mercy on my love and my heart.

I fell into a deep sleep while music played from my identical music box, identical to the one I gave Taeyong on his twenty fifth birthday. The last birthday he would ever have.

_____________________________

Hey friend! As always you look lovey! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you didn't read the chapter, for I posted that it may be triggering to some, I will write a brief overview below.

So for those of you who did not read the chapter here is a rough summary of what happened:

Ten is depressed that Taeyong is in the hospital. He doesn't want to live in a world without his lover. He hurts himself and talks about the boy he could never be with. He ends up going to sleep, listening to his music box.

I hope you enjoyed and if you didn't I do think you should still continue with the story. I think it will get better and the sequel will be a lot more entertaining and mysterious.

As always I'm so grateful for you guys and I love you so much! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Stay safe and have a wonderful day! 

✨MYBLiNKArMY✨