After baby

Chapter 19-Hardin

"Daddy are you still there"I hear Emery say "yes baby I'm still here"it's been one week since Tessa has...died and Emery has been sleeping in my bed I miss Tessa so fucking much if it wasn't for our two kids I wouldn't be here right now every day it just gets harder and my heart breaks more and more each day "daddy do you think mommy is happy"

"I hope she is princess"

"I miss her"her little voice breaks "me to princess me to try get some sleep tomorrow is going to be a long day"she wraps her little arms tightly around mine tomorrow is Tessas funeral god I don't even know how I'm going to get threw that it's just going to be a small ceremony with our closet family and friends I haven't even sleep properly in one week Carol has been here and I have to say I'm so grateful and my mom flew in yesterday I turn and check the time 3:55 I try my best to fall back asleep but I just can't when I check the time again it's 6 Auden starts to wake up i take him out of his crib "morning buddy"I lift him out and walk out to the living room and Carol is in the living room holding a picture of Tessa and I can see her tears falling "are you ok"I ask and she looks up and quickly wipes her eyes "ye sorry"

"It's ok Carol you can cry around me you lost your daughter"

"Can I"she holds her arms out for Auden and I pass him to her I go into the kitchen and everything just reminds me of Tessa

I have a shower for the first time and go to mother closet I decide to wear my black tux I only ever wore it one time but Tessa said it's her favourite so I'm going to wear that I get dressed and get Auden dressed and then Emery she has a black dress on with a red bow in her hair I sit on the edge of the bed as she comes into the room she stands in between my legs and puts her hand on my cheek the way her mom did "you will be ok daddy mommy will look over us she is an angel now"she smiles tears forming in her eyes "what would I do without"I wrap my arms around her "are you ready"I ask her "I think so"she nods and we leave

We arrive at the church Tessas coffin is at the top of the church flowers from her garden layed out on top I have Auden in one arm Emery holding my hand everyone giving us sympathetic looks as we walk in and we take our seats

"We are here today to celebrate the life of Tessa Lynn Young Scott Wife"we never got legally married but in every sense we were "Mother,daughter,friend who has left us to soon"the pastor speaks but I get really listen "Now I would like to call Tessas daughter Emery to say a few words"Emery hesitatesfor a second and the family encourage her and she gets out of her seat

"My mommy was my best friend who I loved so much and I'm so sad she is not here anymore"he little voice breaks "I'm going to miss her cooking even tho dads was better but I never told her that"she says and everyone laughs "I'm going to miss her smile and the way she would always tell me how much she loved me and always give me hugs the way we used to organise things together and dad would make fun of us we loved making list together and drawing pictures and going for walks in the park I wish you were here mommy to see Auden he is the cutest baby but I promise I will help take care of him and I'm never going to let anything happen to him I love you mommy so much I'm never going to forget you ever I promise that"she says wiping her eyes she hands the mic back and runs back down "mommy would be proud"I kiss her head and she wraps her arm around me now it's my turn I pass Auden to Carol and walk up I look down and Emery is smiling up at me and she puts her thumb up

"I first want to start with thanking everyone who came today I know yous all had a special place in Tessa's heart

Tessa was the kind of person who would put everyone before her self and I would know that I met Tessa when she was 18 from the moment I saw her I knew there was something interesting about her and more I got to know her the more I realised that is true

She cared for me the way no ever has she thought me how to love other people and to love if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be talking to any of my family at the time I was so mad when she would want to be around my family but I'm grateful now

She gave me a sense of home,comfort,safeness she made me the best version of my self

I'll miss her laugh her smile her smell I'll miss her touch her hugs her obnoxious need to make list of everything and have everything neatly organised and her annoying alarms waking me up every morning which now I'm happy about it ment I got to spend more time with her

One of my favourite things was that she made me a father to 2 of the most incredible children Emery and Auden she was so good with Emery they had such a special bond like no other I used to love sitting listening to there conversations and Emery as stubborn as mother who has her beautiful looks and a big heart just like her mom

And our sweet baby boy Auden who only came in the word one week ago and didn't get the chance to meet his mom but I promise you Tess you will never be forgotten your memory will live on

I love you so much baby I hope you know that and where ever you are smiling down on us all I love you Tess sweet dreams"I kiss her coffin and walk back to my seat trying to stop crying the tears just keep rolling down my face "I love you daddy mommy will be proud"Emery says and I take Auden back and cradle him in my arms

We get to the cemetery I just want this day over with we watch the coffin go down and everyone is crying Tessa really did make an impact on everyone she let into her life "I love you Tess"I kiss her headstone "what ever our souls are made of his and mine are the same"I whisper

"Goodbye mommy"Emery drops a flower down as the coffin is going down and the tears just keep coming and coming

"Sir wake up"I hear and I snap my eyes open "Tessa where's Tessa"I jump up fuck I didn't realise I fell asleep "she is out of surgery and doing fine you can see her now" I try to shake that dream out of my mind thank god she is ok