Former Teacher

26

"I hope everyone had a great New Years and I trust you all didn't get yourself in too much of a disturbance," Lucas says, giving me a quick glance.

I didn't tell him what happened that night. All he knew was that I drank alcohol. I am so glad that I got the chance to hang out with him and spent a few minutes with him on New Years. Lucas informed me that he will go light on the classwork today since he knows that I might have a headache and to which I do.

I took Ibuprofen during lunch. I understand that I shouldn't carry pills on me, but I hide them carefully, but I really don't worry because I'm not suffering. I normally use it for my cramps at the time of the month. I would always forget to take them before I leave for school.

What is shitty with my school is that it's Friday and I don't know why my school decided to have school when the weekend is next door, and it was New Year's.

"Okay, students, the bell is about to ring in five minutes. Gather up your notes, and you can get your phones."

I waited for the bell to ring before going to Lucas. The class is empty with him and me. The way I like it.

"Hey babe," I say, jumping into Lucas's arms.

He grabs me but sets me down smoothly.

"What's wrong?" I question.

He lowers his head. "We can't..."

"Then what was last night? We keep doing this over and over, and nothing changes."

"I know... I know. We are addicted to each other, but Bell, I'm serious. We have to remain friends. I can't have my job at stake."

"So, I'm not worth it?" I reply with sass.

"That's not what I said."

"That's exactly what you said," I say pissed off.

He takes my hands and holds them while his thumbs are caressing the top of my hand. "Can we though?"

I look at our hands and let go. "You can never be just friends with someone you fell in love with Lucas," I say, withdrawing myself away from him.

"Bella, don't do this!"

I turn around at the door. "You know what, you are right, but we shouldn't even be friends. Delete my number, and I will delete yours." I say, walking away in tears. I rip his bracelet off of my wrist and left it lying on the school's stained carpet. My heart shattered into a million pieces of glass. The first person that took my heart broke it. I did some hard doing. I ended what was left of us.

For the past months, I continue to try and thrive, but the outcome ended to me being a mope. I feel like Bella in Twilight. Crazy we have the same name. I have been eating a lot of food since it's comforting to me. I know I have done this before, but I feel like this time is different... At this moment in time, it's April known as the health month. If you think about it and don't include this month, I am leaving school in one month and graduating in two months. I don't know what the future will hold for me, and Lucas and I. Will I ever get to be in his life as if he were in mine or are we just nothing to each other, or do I just move on... It's absurd to think that a year ago our relationship would have escalated this far.

As I think of it, I regret tearing apart the bracelet he got me for Christmas. That was my favorite gift he ever got me, and they were bracelets that matched, which is beyond adorable. I completely ruined everything. I feel so guilty, but I am glad that I still have the sweatshirts he gave me. I sleep with one of them each night. It faintly smells like him. I haven't washed them since the day he delivered them to me. Sounds gross, but I keep them both clean as possible. I wore each of them around three times, and then at night when I'm sleeping, I will hold one close to me, or I use it for a pillow. I still have the pink bear he got me at David & Buster's I cuddle with now and then.