+ Positive + |PJM Fanfiction|

+ 92 +

(Y/N's POV)

Okay...

This isn't so bad I guess...

This one is a medicine...and this one is just a drink....

Drying up your tears with your sleeve and hugging your papers against your chest you stand up and turn to Jimin, his dark chocolate orbs tilted down with obvious emotional turmoil.

"Th-Thank y-you....I can...l-let you go back to sleep now..."

There's no need for him to see me sad....

"Why are you leaving."

"Wh-What?..."

Tilting his head up to stare into your eyes you swallow hard and squeeze the papers a little tighter, your lower lip pushing up in a small pout when he keeps a questioning look on his face.

"You sleep in here quite a bit, so why are you leaving now."

"Well...I just...I don't...wanna be sad...around you..."

"Why not?"

Why is he asking me so many questions...

Shifting awkwardly on your feet and swallowing hard you use every ounce of courage stored in your body to link your eyes with his, your entire face breaking out in a deep blush when you see the way he's looking at you.

...He...he looks...worried....

"I...I uh...I...It's easier...if you're happy around others because others like it when you're happy..."

The room goes completely silent for a moment before Jimin sighs and nods his head, his hand reaching up to stroke the back of his hair.

"You know it isn't healthy to try to be happy all the time."

"...but...if I'm not...then already sad people won't get a smile...like...like how Jungkook is sad...he likes how I'm happy a lot..."

"Ah...I see....Y/N other people's happiness has nothing to do with how you hold yourself or how you feel. The only thing you're doing all the time is putting yourself in a constant state of guilt to feel any kind of emotion other than happiness."

"But-"

"But nothing. Jungkook is in charge of his own happiness and if he isn't happy then he needs to find things that make him happy other than being emotionally dependent on someone else."

Brushing another tear from your cheek and walking over to plop down on Jimin's bed you look down at your knees and sigh, your skin tingling from Jimin's gaze never leaving your form.

"There's nothing wrong with admitting you're sad Y/N. Everyone is human and everyone experiences emotions...you can't let yourself become someone that holds the mental stability of others above your own."

At the pained tone that drips in Jimin's now soft voice you slowly turn your head and meet his sorrow gaze, a small longing smile cracking in the corner of his lips.

"The only one it ever effects is yourself. They're always going to be them, but the difference is you won't know who you are after a while."

Parting your lips to silently gasp your chest bounces in shock when you see a light misty layer of tears welling in Jimin's eyes as he immediately breaks his gaze from yours, the muscles in his jaw bulging when he tightens his teeth together.

Jimin.....

"Do you miss Lily?"

At the mention of the girl's voice Jimin jumps and pushes his hand through his hair, every hair on his exposed arms lifting with growing goosebumps.

"....I miss who my friend used to be."

"You...You mean..."

"Jungkook. I miss who he was before she died. He used to be fun-loving and enjoy the little things in life. However...ever since she left I've watched the light in his eyes die with her. I watched his hope for the future topple and drift away as easy as the wind. At the end of the day though...there's nothing I can do but hope that one day he'll look at me and smile again like he did when we were kids."

So...it isn't about Lily at all....

Sucking in your bottom lip to try and hold the stray tears from pouring from your eyes you scoot closer to where you and Jimin's shoulders are touching, his body not reacting even slightly to you touching him.

"Do you think he'll smile again?..."

"...I don't really know. I hope so."

Looking down at your hands and fixing the hem of your skirt you brush your fingers against the tops of your thighs, the room quickly falling into heavy awkward silence.

"Jimin?..."

"Hmm."

"C-Can...Can I sleep in here?...."

Quickly moving his gaze to look at you he chuckles lowly to himself and pushes his body off of his bed, every negative emotion he had before seeming to completely disappear.

"It isn't like you haven't snuck in here and slept before. Go for it."

As quickly as possible before giving him a chance to change his mind you burrow yourself under his warm covers and turn your body to where you're facing his back, your eyes once again completely caught up in the delicate entangled vines of his tattoo.

There's so many flowers on this....

I only know what a few of them mean...

Gazing up at the back of Jimin's hair as he simply lays beside you but keeps a good distance, his arms outstretching so he's laying on his stomach.

Aww.

Now I can't see the pretty flowers...

Sitting yourself up and very slowly scooting yourself closer to Jimin you reach out and begin slowly tracing the outline of the vines, his shoulders tightening the second you touch his skin.

"What are you doing."

"I...Your tattoo...it's pretty.."

"I told you before it isn't supposed to be pretty. Now go to sleep."

Puffing your lip out at his sharp tone and retracting your hand from his back you search around the garden of single flowers entangled inside of the vines, your eyes locking on a small white one blooming towards the bottom.

"J-Jimin?.."

"What."

"This white flower...on the bottom....what is it?"

The air in the room goes silent for only a moment until Jimin pulls his pillow closer to his neck, his voice whispering out from his tired lips.

"....It's a white Lily."

A Lily?!

"What...does it mean?...."

"..........It means death."

(A/N): Ooohoohoohoooooo