{This chapter is influenced by Dr. Tracey Marks on Youtube.}
(Disclaimer: I am not a professional. Do not self-diagnose yourself with it. But do read this chapter with clear head.)
[Flashback: one month ago]
"Xiao Zhan! Please! don't take another step! Please! I beg you!"
But his mind had been so much clouded that he couldn't register the pain in that voice. It wasn't the betrayal that made him lose control but the fact everyone had been a victim of their own.
Why? He asked to no one. Why everyone had to suffer? He recalled the time when in school he used to hear accusations like 'he's the people killer. Whoever grows close to him, dies.'
Was he afraid of actually killing his loved ones or that the rumors might shape him?
He thought he was selfless, he thought he was doing them good. But no, at the core of concept, he had been selfish. Selfish from the very start. And it was this very realization that didn't set well with him. He felt like a lie – a lie to himself.
And that's why before they all realize it, he had to end it. Then maybe he could die without shame, knowing how wrongly others have assed him.
Fear? When he looked down through the window, his heart beat so rapidly that it burnt his chest. But the mould had already been formed. He kept that last thought and dived to forget it all.
"Zhan-ge!!!"
Everything stirred up at that moment when he found himself hanging in the air. Xiao Zhan looked up to see and he couldn't unsee. The fear those eyes carried; it told a whole new story.
"Let me go."
"No!!!"
The grip on his hand only tightened as if holding his own life in it. Xiao Zhan felt unimaginable urge to shed tears for that man; who had been embracing him all this time.
He thought he cared because he had to – it was his job. But looking at the man now, Xiao Zhan realized he had been wrong.
"Why are you doing this?" Why are you helping me this much?
"I can't lose you! Not again!" A droplet of that silver tears landed on Xiao Zhan. He was doing it again, wasn't he? Hurting the people around him. That tear slid down his cheek like his own.
Fear, dread, loss and pain. Wang Yibo had been trembling, his biggest fear, his biggest nightmare had finally formed a shape – having his life slip away from his grip. No! he didn't spend those years away from him just to lose him in the end.
"You want to live too, don't you?" He shouted in desperation. When death knocks at you, what you really want is to live once more.
"You want to have a family too, Don't you? Like they all have it!" His own weight felt heavy to him, Wang Yibo prayed to God to give him strength, vigor to pull through.
"You don't want to be different! You want to be able to do what they all do!!" He was already crying at this point. He spewed all the agony his heart translated. "You want to love, don't you?!" He cried,
"Please come back!"
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