bloody green eyes [clexa au]

CHAPTER XXXII

Even if Lexa didn't answer, Clarke decided to try to talk to her. After the voice alterted her that her message was recording, the blonde thought of what she was about to say. It was silent for a few seconds, but you could hear droplets falling on the floor next to the phone. "I'm sorry... Lexa... come back... please... I love you... I'll always be with you..." and she hung up quickly because she couldn't take it anymore. It was already 4am and thankfully it was the weekend. Clarke had already spent the whole night trying to find Lexa, but she wasn't ready to give up. She thought of anywhere the girl could have gone, and she reminded herself of this Bar "the grounder".

She knew it was totally helpless but she wished, but really wished she would find her here... Of course she was afraid Lexa could have drink, or meet dangerous people, or worse get killed or something. Her level of anxiety increased sharply when she thought about the last one. It can't be... no... The entered the bar in a hurry, and looked for anyone who was not already drunk. But absolutely no one was... She went to the barman and asked him if he had saw a tall pretty brunette girl. He of course hadn't but Clarke still wasn't ready to give up. She had to find her, she felt she had to, she felt her life depends on it.

When she got out of this creepy place, she met someone she wasn't expecting here, it was Raven, outside, with a guy (probably her future one night stand) she was on the lap of the guy who was himself on the floor. The guy who looked like a boy they were with in highschool, his name was Wick if Clarke remembered well, had a cigarette which had just been lighted up. It was still nightime outside and Clarle was exhausted, she decided to take a break in her research and go sit with Raven and the Wick guy. Since her ride thought town she was holding her tears, so when she practically fall on the floor next to the two others, she exploded in tears.

Raven saw her and tried to ask her what was wrong, and she did but with some difficulty because she was well intoxicated. And the guy who she was now sure his name was Wick was well too drunk to say anything. The droplets running along the blonde's weren't stopping so Clarke leaned back and took the cigarette from his mouse. He didn't say anything because, again he was too drunk to. Clarke glued the cig to her lips, and took a long shot. She hadn't smoke since highschool but damn the hot smoke in her lungs was just so good. She was on the brick to gave up trying to find Lexa, because she had lost any hope. Generally when you start smoking again, it's never a good sign. If Raven hadn't been to told her not to get drunk, she even probably would have.

But instead, Raven and her got back to Clarke house. Of course the latina was a bit mad at her for stealing her chance to fuck Wick but she knew her friendship with Clarke was more important. It was late in the morning and almost daytime, and the two girls didn't have anymore ideas. During hours they discussed about the situation, about what happened and about where she could have go, Raven came to the conclusion that maybe Lexa left because she didn't want it anymore, or because she wanted to change of job. If it wasn't this late and if she wasn't this desperate, maybe Clarke wouldn't have take it personally.

In the following days, the blonde state of mind wasn't increasing because she still didn't have any news. Clarke has started to drink more than reasonable, and smoke more than reasonable too. She could just skip classes all day, being alone on this secret spot only her knew, and smoke many packs per day, a bottle of strong alcohol in the hand. At least she wasn't thinking of Lexa when she was drunk. Even if she sometimes took the time to ask her friend of they have heard of the brunette, she was mainly alone all day. She didn't even wanted to see her mom. It was strange for everybody, not to see the girl in class, nor during the weekends.

Octavia often checked up on her, to make sure she was okay, as she is her bestfriend. Indeed everyone understood why she was like this and absolutely no one cared to question her decision. On top of that, for the blonde it was too much to handle to see, hear and have to answer all the questions of the stupid kids, who asked her if it was true or why did Lexa left. Clarke hadn't seen Bellamy since when she left school, or Finn since the incident in Lexa's house. But she imagined the two were having a great knowing that they ruined her life... Octavia also told her that Gabriel Santiago has been expulsed of the campus for having harassed a teacher and menaced a students.

More time was passing, it was almost two weeks since the brunette disappeared, and Clarke was worst than ever, she was practically drunk anytime of the day, but positive point as she passed all of her days at home, she had started to draw and paint again. But most of her pieces were dark, sad, depressing and without emotions. Lexa has this effect on her, she had the ability to remove and hide Clarke's dark side... During her sleepless nights, she would often try to call her to know she was alright, but the brunette never answered, and because of it, she never was able to finish her night, surely because of the stress, worried about where the hell she has been for two weeks.

Honestly, her sleep schedules were going nuts, but she didn't cares, if wasn't like she got anything to do the day after. And to be honest another time, hearing Lexa's name was like a huge torture to her. It remindes her that she has lost her probably forever, that she had lost any hope to see her again, and that she totally gave up on saving her. The girl has become a so important pillar in her life in so little time, she wasn't even able to imagine herself why she was impacted that much. She of course could move on and pass to something else, to maybe hope to go back to a quite normal life, to try to forget everything about her, but it seems just impossible, just too soon...