bloody green eyes [clexa au]

CHAPTER XXXIII

*7 months later*
Clarke... Or what was left of Clarke. She was just a living shadow, with no emotions, no feelings. She never smiles, she wasn't even sure if she could. It's been a while since she was happy, since Lexa left. She could barely remember how she was in real life, because a cursed brunette hunted her nightmares. At least she was doing her art, realising part of her dream, but it wasn't the same without the girl she once loved. Her life was a mess let's be honest. It oftenly got worse during the evening. Tonight, She wanted to go outside, and of course drink. It is weird to understand for everyone but being drunk actually helps her, she was finally at peace with herself and what she feels...

She knew there was a party at Finn's house. Of course Finn was the one to messed up her relationship with Lexa but she had talked to him again since a few months and it was like before, he was nice with her. To Octavia and Raven's eyes he was trying to use her, but anyway the blonde wouldn't listen to them. She went outside and headed to Finn house. It was already late in the night but she didn't care, she was just happy to see people who won't judge her or tell what to do, as Abby does. She rang and it was Finn himself who went to open the door. Clarke has almost forget that he was a bad guy, with bad influences and that MAINLY he cheated on her.

He seemed so happy to see her, in skin and bones. The guy was already well intoxicated and therefore acted weird with her. He placed his arms around her neck and pulled her in a tight hug. The kind of hug friends weren't supposed to share. After all that they went inside to find the other people. Clarke didn't know anybody but there were only a few people. Actually there were three guys and one girl. After a long time of sipping beers and talking, the girl seemed familiar. They stared at each other for a few seconds, without saying anything, until Clarke finally spoke up (in a drunken way don't expect too much)

"HEY Costia it's been forever!!" and the other girl suddenly shown happyness on her face. They haven't seen each other since the party at her house when Lexa went nuts because she saw them hug, it took some seconds to Clarke to remember such memories, when Lexa was still here, when she was drunk and shudder when Clarke touched her butt to find her keys... It was a happy time, before everything turned to shit because of Finn. But this being said, she was seeing Finn again so it didn't really matter, and she would probably never see Lexa again. Well during all this time Costia was staring at her.

"OMG Clarke I missed you so much" and they hugged for a long time. Seeing Costia reminded her that she didn't really know what happened with Lexa back in their relationship, expect that Cos cheated on her. So she told herself that she'll find out tonight. "Hey what are you doing her Clarke ?" and the disturbed girl answered "Well I was bored and Finn told me he was partying so here I am... and to be honest I needed to think about something else..." Costia looked at her with sadness, she knew, she knew Lexa left her seven months ago and she was really sorry for her, because she knew how Lexa could behave when she was scared or angry because it happened a lot of time.

They went on talking and talking for almost the end of the night. Both of the girls have drunk a few drinks but they weren't really intoxicated. Clarke was avoiding Lexa's subject at all cost and Costia knew it but she also knew that talking about it could actually help the girl. She softly asked "Clarkie you want to talk about it ? About her ?" and the blonde appeared hurt before even considering her answer. It brings her pain and sorrow but somehow Clarke knew it would do some good. "Why not... tell me why you broke up" (Also the blonde was reaching her goal of the evening of knowing why they broke up so badly).

"That's not really easy to explain, but Lexa isn't really a showing person, she never talks about herself or opens up... Well and I've been dumb and drunk and I cheated on her, and believe me it was the biggest mistake of my life... but well you know how she is..." Costia said while holding back some crystal clear tears. Clarke literally felt the pain to the core and felt only pain for her friend. "Yeah... I know Cos she tends to fly away without even waiting for the explanations..." They were both crying at this point. They stayed silent for a moment, still processing and acknowledging the lost of this girl who counted so much for Costia and Clarke...

The blonde was about to say something else when an idea crossed her mind. "Cos I swear I'll find her and when I do you'll meet again and you will her how you are sorry for having broke her, okay ?" this sweet side of Clarke made her smile. "I appreciate Clarkie, thanks for everything, and you know, I really missed you all these months" Both of their cheeks were still covered in tears. The warm hearted blonde felt so much joy being reunited with her friend that she almost forget that the last past months of her life where total shit.. But it suddenly struck her again and this time she couldn't held back her thoughts and need to express herself.

"I don't understand... I told her we were in this together, I told I would help her and that everything would be alright... I PROMISED TO NEVER GIVE UP ON HER ! (She was half crying and half yelling at the stars) and she let me down !..." It was hard for Clarke to go over this again but Costia understood her pain as she knew why Lexa left. She even knew where the brunette was but she asked her not to tell Clarke because it would break her even more. Costia behind her friend felt so helpless that she even wondered if she could actually continue fonctioning like this, being well aware that she was breaking Clarke even more. The answer was no. "Clarke, I know where she is".