THE DEVIL'S AFFECTION

18. THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU

          AFTER BOTH deciding on ordering in Thai food, we sit around his desk, chatting and laughing about whatever nonsense stories we decided to share.

"So, you're telling me that you..." he breaks to choke down a laugh. "... you actually envisioned Eminem as the M&M characters from those commercials?!"

"I did! I did, okay?! I was also like twelve so cut me some slack." I laugh, picking away at what's left of the Thai food in my box.

Our laughs die down and there's a moment for breathing. This has been nice, it almost feels normal right now. Out of this moment of bliss, I'm reminded about what I have to do — what I need to do.

I clear my throat, about to speak but Hanes begins at the same time as I do.

"So, I—"
"You know—"

We share a small chuckle.

"Sorry, you go ahead." He insists.

"No, it's alright. I wanna hear yours first." I know that after he hears what I have to say, his point will be lost and the entire mood will change.

"I was about to say that, this is really nice. Thank you for agreeing to do this, I'm having a really good time." He smiled weakly.

"Well, what am I supposed to do? Say no to my boss?" I scoff, looking down at my food. When I look up, however, I can see that his face has fallen, he looks disappointed with my reply.

He nods. "Man, I really need to keep reminding myself of that, don't I?"

I furrow my brows, unsure of what he's alluding to and confused by his reaction.

"What do you mean?"

He pauses for a moment, carefully picking over his words for a response. My heart begins to pick up slightly as I await his response.

"I... I don't want this to be... like that." He manages, his sentence is broken as if he's unsure of how to express what he's feeling.

"Like what?"

"I don't want you to feel obligated to do things with me just because I'm your boss or whatever." He complains.

"Well, how else is this supposed to work? You're paying me for companionship. This is what I'm meant to do."

It seems like he's completely forgotten that this is why he pays for me; this is why I am around. If not for my company, then why would he pay for me?

"That's not how I want this to be."

"Then how do you want it to be?" I can feel myself becoming frustrated as I fall confused by his expression.

"I want you to want to do these things with me, not feel obligated to."

I can already see this taking a bad turn. He feels something. This is teetering off of a professional relationship and bordering on a romantic one by his desire. That's not what this is. That's not how this is ever going to be. I'm his employee — that's all this is.

"Hanes, this is my job. You send me texts demanding that I do whatever it is you want me to do. Even then, you barely use my services in any way other than as a body pillow. How else is this supposed to work?"

"I don't demand anything!" He defends sternly. Oh, how blind he's being to this whole situation.

"You don't ask, you tell. It's never 'do you want to' it's 'be here', 'do this' and 'be ready'. That's demanding, not asking."

I can see him getting frustrated as he stumbles over his words. "That's not... I don't mean it like that."

"Even if you meant it like that, I don't care. That's how this works. I'm an employee."