THE DEVIL'S AFFECTION

31. CRONUS, RHEA AND ZEUS

          HANES AND I lay in bed, now. I lay against his chest and he runs his fingertips up and down my arm, tickling my skin and relaxing me.

Tonight has been strange for me — a good kind of strange. I've never been this vulnerable with anyone since I joined Austin. Before then, being open with people I was close with didn't seem so scary. But I guess the worst years of my life came after I began escorting.

I'm happy with the way things have gone. I'm still unhappy with the way things are right now but, seeing Hanes so openly emotional about my scars and past — with as little as he knows of it — makes me feel more comfortable to show him more. He didn't cast me aside or treat me as broken as many men might. I'm not broken. I don't want him to look at me and think that I am. I'm glad he doesn't see me that way.

"Tell me more about your parents." Hanes says as he lays his head on mine.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything. You seem... happy when you talk about them."

"I am. They were very good to me and I miss them very much." I feel my chest tighten and begin to try to push the memories of them away. "I don't want to talk about them, right now. I miss them too much."

As much as I normally like discussing my parents, tonight has caused me to reflect on enough pain in my life. Thinking about them is always, no matter what, a constant reminder that they are no longer here. I don't want to think about that right now.

I feel him nod before he kisses my hair. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay... I'm just... I don't want to talk about it right now." I sigh. There's a pause and a moment of silence. "What about your parents?"

He takes a deep breath. "My parents?"

"Yeah, you never mention them."

"Well, I'm not very fond of them." He asserts. "My dad was a narcissist and selfish... my mother hated him for it. My younger brother was the same in some ways and I think my father liked that about him." He sighs. "When my father died, my brother Zach got the best of what my father had and I was left with shit." He rattles through all of this information as if he doesn't care in the slightest about it. But as he begins discussing his brother, I can feel the anger rising in his voice, but it calms when he says, "I haven't seen them in years."

"Oh... I'm sorry." I regret asking, only because I can tell that it wasn't something he'd prefer to talk about. But I want to know more about him and I guess this is a part of that.

He shrugs. "My brother was about to become my boss because he got the main part of the company. So, I cut them off, moved far from them and now, I'm here and I'm fine." He says. "My dad left me this portion of the business anyway so... at least I got something from the asshole."

I feel terribly for him. I can't imagine where I'd be if my parents were horrible to me. I guess I was fortunate after all.

"So, your father did your job before you?"

He nods. "Yes."

"I know your job is... tricky... but I wouldn't tell a soul if you told me what it was." I look up at him. "I promise."

He looks down at me and shakes his head. "It's not about you telling others. It's for you."

"I can handle it! I'm not as weak as you think I am." I nearly whine.

It frustrates me that he doesn't think I could manage it. He may not treat me like I'm broken but he does treat me like I'm weak. I hate it.

"No one wants to hear it. Maybe someday I'll tell you, but not now."

I sigh, wishing he'd think more of me than he does. I can't imagine what he must do that's so terrible. What is it? Is he some assassin? In a gang? Hell, even if he said he was in the mafia, at this point, I'd be able to handle it. Sure, it would be a lot to take in but... from what I saw that one day, I can only imagine the terrible things he does everyday. And then he comes home and sleeps next to me. I can't tell how I feel about that.

"You know..." I think to change the subject. "I was surprised that you never asked me why I started working for Austin. Everyone always did."

He shuffles up slightly. "I knew the answer," — is all he says. I'm slightly confused by his answer. How could he know? Every girl I met who worked for Austin had a different story.

I can tell that he's through with the discussion and honestly, right now, I am too.

"Hanes?" I look down at his hand, taking it in mine and intertwining my fingers in his.

"Yeah?"

"Can you promise me that one day... things will change?"

He takes a moment to answer.

"Yeah..." his voice is weak. "I know that one day they will."