THE DEVIL'S AFFECTION

42. RUINED

I KNEW the facade would end soon enough. Things quickly returned back to their normal gloom around here — Hanes returning back to his reserved corner. I can find my sadness burying itself and my sanity withering away. If these are my final days, I need to stop caring so much about what will come next.

I walk up to Hanes' chair but he doesn't set his book aside like he used to when I would approach him. He just peers up at me with a questioning look, as if I'm interrupting him.

"Hey... I thought we could... have some fun." I lean over and put my hands on the arms of the chair.

He looks back down at the book and then back up to me.

"I'm in the middle of reading, right now."

I take a deep breath, thoroughly confused in his interest in that book over me.

"You'd really rather read that then come fuck me?" I cross my arms.

He looks up at me with furrowed brows and a frown. I've clearly said the wrong thing and it's irritated him immediately.

"I'd rather be up and aware of something happens."

"Well, I think you could be up in more ways than one if you come with meeee..." I smirk, trying to lead him closer to me but he doesn't budge and the angry look doesn't flee from his face. "Why are you so angry?"

"You have no idea so how about you leave me be." He adjusts himself in his chair and looks back down at the book.

I can feel my own face furrowing now. He's playing my frustration against me. Not fair.

"What are you reading that's so important anyway?" I lean over to look at the pages.

At the top of the right page, it reads The Awakening.

"You're reading feminist literature?" I cock my brow at him.

"I read many different things." I watch as his eyes try to focus on the lines while I distract him.

"How is that helping anything?" I sigh.

"It's not but it's distracting me."

I let out a bitter laugh. My existence is irrelevant to him, now.

"Good. Have fun with your books. I'll just go fuck myself then." I scoff.

He grabs my arm tight and I shock to his grip. Looking at him, he rips his eyes up from the book to me.

"Don't be bitter just because the world doesn't revolve around you." His voice is deep and threatening.

"What the fuck?!" I jerk my arm out of his tight grip and rub the spot where he had grabbed me.

"You have no idea what's happening around you so how about you stop having your little tantrum and use your head."

"You're such an asshole." I sigh walking away.

As I do, I can hear him get up quick behind me. I look back to see him striding closer before he takes my neck in his hand and holds me still.

"I suggest you watch your mouth, dandelion." He threatens with one hand gently around my neck and the other on my arm.

Normally, this would terrify me, but I'm so incredibly starved for attention that I don't hate this. At this point, any attention is better than none. I need to be reminded that I'm real — I can feel myself wasting away and I want him to bring me back.

"Or what? You gonna hurt me, huh?"

He releases the grip on my neck and backs off slightly. "No, you know I wouldn't." He seems offended by the insinuation.

"It looked like you wanted to kill me." I smirk.

He furrows his brows further in confusion. "And you liked that?"

I shrug. "I liked the passion of it."

He looks concerned. "What has gotten into you?" He shakes his head turning away for a moment.

I can feel my frustration coming to the forefront of my expression. "You never put any effort in anymore! It's like you've given up and you're waiting for us to die."

"You have no idea what I'm dealing with." He snaps back around.

"You won't talk to me so how would I know?" I toss my arms in the air.

"Why are you being like this? Why are you acting all... strange?"

"You've ruined my life so what have I got left to lose?"

The angry glow returns in his eyes. "I ruined your life?" He scoffs. "You have no idea what I've done for you!"

"Of course, I don't. Why would I know anything about anything when you neglect to tell me any single detail about what's going on?" I taunt him.

"If you knew you wouldn't be able to function. That little freak out that I saw back in the beginning was enough to show me that even if you think you can take it, you couldn't! You can't!" He snaps.

"Why not?! Why won't you just believe me?!" I yell.

"I won't tell you because this is so fucking huge that your mind would fucking explode at the pure mention of it! You're not as strong as you think you are!" He yells, then stepping forward and calming down to say, "are you, Ellie?"

The bitterness off of his tongue at my name really put the cherry on top for me.

"I'm stronger than you could ever imagine. You'd die living two seconds in my shoes."

With his huffing anger, I wait for his response.

"You're too naive to even begin to know." He mumbles.

"I bet I have more balls than you do." I scoff.

I walk up closer to him and he grabs my neck again, tilting my jaw up to look into his eyes and I smirk.

"Wipe that dirty fucking grin off of your face, dandelion." He glares from my eyes to my lips.

"Might want to keep your eyes up on mine if you want me to take you seriously." I bite my tongue.

Both left in heavy breaths from adrenaline, he loosens his grip and I lunge in to kiss him. He pushes his lips back harder as we step back. Our mouths opening to each other with frustration and passion — both of which send a surge through my body as I pull him against me.

I would have hated this before, but oh, how I love any and all of his attention.

Fuck it, right?