THE DEVIL'S AFFECTION

47. SPITE

I FEEL sick. I rush to the bathroom, nearly tossing myself over the toilet as my body threatens to toss up anything and everything it has inside. I feel dizzy and disoriented.

I slump back and sit beside the toilet, my back against the bathtub. I try to slow my breathing. You'd think if Hades was going to recreate me, he'd at least take away the part of me that can be so easily sickened by stress. I guess he just kept in as much bad as he could when reconstructing me.

I'm still confused. I still don't understand how any of this is possible. I know so little of mythology but I know who Hades was... is... whatever the fuck... a merciless decider of where the dead go. So does that mean that his brother is Zeus? Is the family business ruling the underworld? How am I meant to believe any of this?

There's no explanation for Cerberus. There's no logical explanation for that... thing coming to life. I'm not dreaming; that much I know. I can feel everything, sense everything.

I'm dead. That's what he says. This is my afterlife. I can't believe I died. I remember seeing my parents seconds before we died. I don't remember hitting the water. Maybe I got whiplash and was knocked out. I don't remember dying. I don't remember what it felt like to die. I don't remember it being cold or bright. I just remember feeling terrified the second I knew I was going to die. I remember being even more terrified when I saw my parents' horrified faces and when I noticed that they knew too.

I hear footsteps nearing the door and my anger rises again. Hades' hand pushes the door open a little more as he peers in.

"Get out," I grumble, keeping my eyes on the floor.

When I look up, I can see that his face is tensed and full of guilt.

"Please, just let me be near you. I won't touch you if you don't want me to. I know I don't deserve it but please, I just want to be near you."

"And what if I don't want to see you ever again?"

"You might be getting your wish very soon." His voice is quiet.

"How so?" I can feel my face contort in confusion.

"The people who are coming after us want to return you to where I found you. Who you know as Kai is actually Tartarus."

I shrug. "I don't know who that is."

"He's where the worst of the worst go to. He controls the worst parts of the underworld where the worst people go to be tortured for eternity." He leans on the door frame with his hands shoved in his pockets.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This is so much to take in and now Kai is this other god?

"I don't belong there..." I get a little panicked. I don't want to be tortured.

"No, he's not bringing you there. You were a good person in life... you still are now."

"So, why does he care if I'm here?"

Hanes looks down to the floor and swallows hard.

"He's trying to get back at me because when his sister died, I let her in and I let her become one of the roaming spirits. He believes that I shouldn't have let her die but I don't have much control over these things... you see."

"It seems like you have plenty of control over whatever benefits you," I grumble bitterly.

"I know you hate me, rightly so." He takes a deep breath. "But I want you to know that..." he looks up from the floor to meet my gaze. "... if I had known who you were before all of this, I wouldn't have done what I did. I know what I did was as selfish and horrible as it gets. I needed someone or something, and I didn't care what I had to do to get that."