THE DEVIL'S AFFECTION

45. AMEN

          "NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I scream.

I snap awake to see Hanes pinning me down. I startle again, unsure of why he's holding me down. He's panting out of breath.

"Ellie?" He asks concerned.

"What?! What's going on?!"

"You kept hitting me, over and over. I had to hold you down to stop you from hitting me. You were screaming." He looks so heartbroken and scared.

I don't remember what I was dreaming about. All I know is that my heart is racing and Hanes is suddenly terrified.

I've been having such terrible dreams lately; none of which I can remember.

"I-I'm sorry... I don't know what I was dreaming about." I admit and he sits back, letting go of me.

I sit up slightly and take in my surroundings, feeling strange and dissociated. Then I hear that familiar rustling coming from downstairs. I can tell he hears it too by the way he looks over to the door and then back to me. Am I still dreaming?

As I think about it, I can't remember much but I remember it being something like the dream I had about the statue coming to life. It's strange. I can't quite remember what happened but I remember the feeling it had — one that was similar to the one I had that night. I remember it feeling real and I remember seeing Hanes. I remember the dog but I don't quite remember what it was about or how it went down.

I settle back into bed and Hanes does the same. I've never been a very aggressive sleeper but I guess this fear is really getting to me.

THE DAY has gone by relatively slow. With Hanes over in his usual corner, this time not reading but just staring out to the snow-filled gardens, I find myself in the kitchen thinking of making myself something while staring into the decorative bowl of pomegranates. I've never been a fan of them but it seems he must be.

I think back to the dream I had and peer over to the statue. It still gives me creepy vibes. Every time I look at it too long, I swear that I can see it breathing or moving in the smallest amount. I know I'm just seeing what my mind wants to see. I fear that I'd truly be losing my sanity if I saw it in my waking life. But I think it's safe to say I'm not alright regardless.

Still, I think about the dream and remember one part that I didn't pay much attention to; that gate. The gate burnt me. It wasn't hot to the touch but it scolded me anyway as if I was the Devil touching a cross.

Questioning my sanity, I wonder if I should go to the gate again and see just how difficult it would be to get over. You know, being that I could be in danger any day now, it might be nice to know if I can get out if I need to.

I look back to Hanes who seems so lifeless in that chair; so terribly drained and ruined. He's like an inanimate object these days.

I head to the door, hoping he doesn't question where I'm going, knowing he'll only worry if I go. But when I open the door, he turns to look and I simply say that I'm going out to get some fresh air. I can't use the excuse of the garden anymore since the snow has killed off or sent all the flowers to sleep.

When I step out, the cold snow braces my feet. I might be insane for doing this barefoot, but the cold stinging of the snow is a constant reminder that I'm awake. In my dream, I would never be able to juggle this many senses at once.

I walk over quickly, not looking back and just hoping that Hanes doesn't get curious.

The pain of the snow becomes nearly unbearable once I get close to the gate. It's icy and looks like it'll hurt to touch regardless. But the sensation of burning from a flame is different than that of frostbite.