how it feels to be alive {tom riddle}

fourteen: tension*

TENSION

The calming sound of the music coming from Lucia's phone was a comfort in the otherwise silence.

Lucia sat up against the headboard of the bed whilst Tom lay his head on her lap. She instinctively ran her fingers through his dark curls, enjoying the softness of his hair tickling the skin of her lap.

Tom had his eyes closed, his breathing slow and fanning over her legs.

He hadn't experienced affection like this before.

It was a totally different feeling to her hands in his hair in the past, which had been in a moment of passion and desire. This was much gentler, more innocent and calming.

Even as a child he hadn't been touched in this way, the only contact being a slap on the wrist for wrongdoing or a sharp pat on the back in approval.

But as he felt her comforting touch, he couldn't help but melt into it. There was nothing sexual about it, but instead a sense of reassurance and tenderness.

In the past, he hadn't allowed others to touch him so vulnerably. Even in moments of lust he refused touches of affection and the awkward aftermath of lying in bed together. Instead he would be gone without another word, likely ever.

Lucia's caress found the nape of his neck and he sighed deeply, chills prickling down his back.

She paused to pick up her phone to reply to a text message, but he opened his eyes to grab her wrist and place her hand back on his head.

She chuckled and continued her movements, admiring how the light from the window illuminated the surface of his back, his pale skin causing his appearance resemble a Hellenistic Greek statue.

Despite the friction of his hair against her fingers for so long causing them to feel a sort of numb sensation, she wanted to continue.

She knew he was conflicted and irritated, so if her light touch was causing him any relief, she'd continue for hours.

As she thought about it, she realised how touch deprived he really must be.

He had little to no contact with his parents as a child, and was in a cold and loveless institution for most of his life.

Surely that has some impact on one's development, she thought.

She recalled a story of a group of Romanian orphans, deprived of touch and stimulation for their childhood. The psychological impacts lasted well into adulthood.

Problems with emotional expression, pathological behaviours, social withdrawal...

A surge of sadness washed over her as she thought of a young Tom Riddle, not receiving the unconditional love and affection most children get.

With his eyes closed and face relaxed, Tom looked so much younger. She almost felt tears in her eyes as she continued to stroke his hair.

His eyes flickered open, looking up at her.

She quickly stopped her movements and smiled softly, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He said, though it wasn't cold and defensive, just emotionless.

She quickly began to miss the feeling of his weight on her as he sat up to lean against the headboard beside her instead.

"I was going to order something to eat for you, but my hands were a bit preoccupied." She explained.

He chuckled, "I'm not really hungry anyway."

"Neither." She agreed, looking into his dark eyes, "Do you still feel really tense?"