how it feels to be alive {tom riddle}

seventeen: stoned

STONED

trigger warning: mild mentions of suicide

Lucia turned off the light and walked over to her bed, laying down on her back and patting the space beside her. "Come here." She said softly.

Tom obliged, sprawling himself next to her in a similar position facing the ceiling.

The sun had gone down hours ago, signalling it was rather late at night. Now the only light illuminating the room came from the silvery moon and faint glow of streetlights that streamed through the window to create a pearly sheen around the room.

The two lay in a comfortable silence for a while, the only sound their slow breathing and the faint hum of traffic from below.

"Do you ever think about what happens after we die?" Lucia asked dreamily, eyes not leaving the ceiling.

"I do." Tom replied simply, not particularly shocked at the random mention of something so deep and philosophical. It was a rather common theme in their conversations.

"I'd like to think it all just doesn't go black. The idea that there's something else out there is quite comforting." Lucia thought out loud. "But I don't want to be disappointed. I feel like if I have really high expectations and they aren't met, it's going to make whatever kind of afterlife exists really fucking depressing."

"I'd rather not find out." Tom said, "I'd much prefer to harness everything this life has to offer, not die after accomplishing only a minuscule proportion of my potential."

A few moments of silence passed.

"I feel like if we were supposed to live forever, we would without having to interfere with the natural cycle. Life gives us the time we need to experience what we can, and then I'd like to think we move on to bigger and better things. You just have to know how to make the most of the time you have here." Lucia explained, "I really don't think you need an eternity to have a good life."

"I don't think interference with nature is in any way a bad thing. If we weren't supposed to bend convention then why were we given the ability to?" Tom reasoned.

"To be honest, the main problem I see with this search of immortality is that you'll spend all this time seeking it out, since it's bloody hard to achieve, that you'll end up missing all the experiences you could have had on the way." Lucia responded, "Surely in this time we've spent together you see what your life could be like."

Tom was again silent.

He had never felt more fulfilled than this short time they'd spent together in his whole life. But he could just give up his life's desire so simply, it just wasn't in his nature.

Out of the silence, Lucia started giggling.

Tom looked sharply her way out of confusion. She was watching him, attempting to stifle her laughter but it was becoming more and more uncontrollable.

"I'm sorry, it's just... I can practically see the cogs turning in your head. Trying to come up with some witty response about why immortality is all you want in life." Lucia said through her laughter.

Tom raised his eyebrows at her, a smirk threatening his lips.

"I am so stoned right now, I'm sorry. It really shouldn't be that funny." She got out, covering her face with her hands. "It's just, you've always got to have something smart to say back, and I just imagine you going through different responses in your head like: 'no that's not sophisticated enough to intimidate them' or 'that sounds too much like a normal teenager, I'd much prefer to sound like a very old professor'."