how it feels to be alive {tom riddle}

twenty-six: magnolia

MAGNOLIA

a/n: this chapter is loosely inspired by some of the concepts in the song magnolia by gang of youths and the story behind it. it's a song that means a lot to me, so I wanted to incorporate just a few aspects of it in the chapter. if you want to look it up and have a listen, maybe even look at the meaning behind it, I think you'll really enjoy it too.

Lucia was breathless, but she just kept running. Her feet were aching from her heels and the hard ground, and she could feel blood coming from her toes, yet she didn't stop to dwell on it.

She had found a gloomy backstreet away from the busy city road, so she finally allowed herself to slow down and take some deep breaths. She couldn't help but hyperventilate as she sat down against a white picket fence, creamy white and pink magnolias spilling over with petals scattered across the ground.

Her breathing became uncontrollable, so she finally permitted herself to cry.

It could have been out of shock, betrayal, anger, guilt, disappointment... It all just seemed to well up into a storm of pain that couldn't be properly explained nor contained.

How had she not considered it as a possibility?

She had kissed the lips of the most dark and dangerous wizard known, well... more than kiss in fact.

When she thought back to the times she'd spent with him, she wanted to throw up.

Her memories of his gentle caress of her skin, of his lips and tongue and eyes upon her, it became tainted by the cold, skeletal figure she had seen in her history books. The extraordinary feeling of threading her hands in his hair that she loved so much, or of his groans from her touch, all corrupted by the barely human entity he would become.

He was a monster.

And she had let him get so close to her.

Was this all some cruel game he was playing? Manipulating her with his charming younger self to get something out of it?

She was absolutely repulsed.

Her guard was usually so hard to break down for people, but she'd let him in, told him things she'd never even said out loud. How had she let him manipulate her like that?

She leant over the fence to throw up, feeling her stomach convulsing uncomfortably as pure liquid came up.

"Fuck!" She yelled into the night, but the strong beginning to her curse developed into a sob, her throat burning and raw.

"Lucia..." A voice sounded behind her.

She abruptly swung around to see the dark and intimidating figure of Tom standing a couple of metres away.

Lucia scrambled to her feet, backing away into the fence behind her. She could feel the wood digging into her back, and branches of the magnolia tree piercing her skin, but she hardly even thought about it.

"Get the fuck away from me, you monster." She snarled, pressing herself further into the fence.

"Lucia, its the drugs. You must be confused." He said calmly, an unreadable expression on his face as he took a slow step in her direction.

"Don't insult me. I know who you are, don't even try to deny it. Now get the fuck away from me." She snapped, though the strength from the first words she spoke to him had degraded slightly.

"You don't understand. Let's talk about this. I'm not going to hurt you." He assured as he continued towards her.

"Don't come any closer." She begged, fear engulfing her features and tears feeling sticky on her cheeks now.