how it feels to be alive {tom riddle}

forty-three: change

CHANGE

Tom pulled out of her finally, admiring the sight of her messy hair and flushed complexion. He was still in shock from what she'd said to him, but he had learnt the art of concealing reactions from a young age.

He grabbed his wand to clean the mess he'd made inside of her, but waited a minute to admire the way she looked.

"You look like what I imagine heaven to be if it existed." He said as he admired the luminance of her skin and the light in her eyes.

"You make me feel like I'm in heaven." She chuckled, "But if you don't want this on your sheets you better get rid of it." He quickly rid her of his release with a quick spell and brought his hands to cup her thighs again gently. She stayed straddling his lap for a few minutes as they both recovered properly.

After their breathing had settled, Tom ensured the muffliato was still in place. They then slid under the covers, due to the small size of the bed pressed closely against each other.

It wasn't long before sound outside the curtains of the four-poster indicated the other boys from the dorm had returned from their late-night Hogsmeade trip.

Lucia smirked up at Tom, listening to the chatter coming from beyond the thick green fabric.

"That bartender chick had the hots for you for sure, mate." One masculine voice sounded.

"I told her to owl me." Another responded with a cocky tone.

"Fuck, I am absolutely plastered." A slurred voice laughed, springs squeaking on a bed as he assumedly fell back onto it.

"I reckon we call it a night boys, I'm knackered." The first voice spoke again.

There were sounds of agreement, and after a couple of minutes, beds squeaking and the sound of curtains being pulled shut resounded through the small room. A silence broken only by the sounds of breathing filled the dorm.

Tom's fingertips traced slow circles on Lucia's back as she lay her head on his chest. She could hear the soft thrum of his heart under his skin, and the warmth of his body spread through her from the skin-to-skin contact.

"Why did you forgive me for lying to you?" Tom asked after a few minutes of silence.

Lucia raised her head from his chest slightly to look at him with confusion.

"About..." He began to elaborate.

"I know what you're talking about." Lucia sighed, "I think it's one of the most selfish things I've ever done. But I can see that you aren't him, you can even see it just from looking into your eyes." She brushed a stray curl from his forehead.

He seemed incredibly concentrated on her words.

"Yes, I sometimes get a glimpse of some of his qualities. But I'd like to think that I always pull you up on them, and you always seem willing to listen. I was never looking for someone perfect, Tom. Fuck, I'm far from perfect myself." Lucia explained.

He thought about this for a few moments.

"I can feel him, sometimes." Tom said carefully, "I never noticed it before, because it was just the way I was all the time. But now that I've learnt so much about him, and would consider myself different, sometimes I'll feel it in myself. An urge to seek power, or to hurt someone really badly, maybe even kill them. I think he really does live inside of me."

"A quote I read in a book about people who fought in the wizarding wars read that 'we've all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.'" Lucia said softly, "I have dark thoughts sometimes too, Tom. Thoughts of hurting people if they've done something terrible."