His Medicine

~7~

Chyna

⚠️This chapter contains suicide thoughts and suicide attempt⚠️

I just got back in the house from the race and changed out of my suit into some black biker shorts and a grey spaghetti strap shirt.

I am in the beginning stage of a breakdown and possibly a panic attack I'm trying to fight it but I can't.

How the hell did I not know that was Jaxton at all of those races. I hope he doesn't know it's me. At least he didn't act like it.

Oh my fucking god...I snapped at him when all he did was ask am I ok I am far away from it.

I felt sudden wetness on my shirt and I look up in the mirror to see myself. Oh my god. Not now I can't cry I can do this. Tears started coming out even more.

Who am I kidding I can't do this I'm as weak as everybody thinks I am. It's like all the bad things that people did to me and that broke my heart hit all at once. I feel broken all over again.

It's hard trying to pretend everything is ok behind a smile when in reality it's not. It hurts everything that josh does to me it makes me feel less of a person.

It's like I'm nothing and no matter how hard I try people always convince me that I am. I'm tired of fighting him and everyone else. I just want to give up. I want everything to end. As much as I try to live a happy life I can't. I'm sick of it all.

I grabbed my phone and slipped on my black low-top vans and ran out of the house. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I ran as fast as I could to prince bridge.

Tears streaming down my face and my body sweating bullets. My hair was flying with the wind but my body felt heavy. As the bridge came into view I could see a few people less than ten maybe. It was fairly dark being that it is a little past midnight.

I made my way towards the opposite end of the bridge towards the south side. I made sure I'm at the end of the bridge where I don't think people can see me unless they pass.

I look down at the water and the tides are fast and strong. I'm so ready for this to end. I don't want saving I just want this to be over. I'm happy that I'm ending my pain at one of my favorite spots and close to where I'm from.

I will never forget where I came from. I can't wait to watch over my friends and family. I'm kinda sad that I'm dying before I lose my v card but it's ok.

I took a deep breath and set my phone down where I was standing. I recorded a goodbye video and I hope they find it when I'm gone.

Well, this is it. I'm finally ending this pain. My heart will not hurt or feel broken. I will be at peace. I will have no worries in the world at all. I'm going home where the angels play and laugh.

I will not be alone. I took one more deep breath and stepped closer towards the wall of the bridge. I look down again which I wish I didn't do because I am terrified of heights.

I held onto the railing while looking up telling god I'm ready. I swing my right leg over first so I'm straddling the wall.

Then I swing over my right leg so I'm sitting with both of my legs hanging off the bridge. Well, this is it. Just as I was in the middle of pushing myself off I feel myself being pulled back.