Self harm ~ Paul

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*y/n's pov*

I walk into the studios wearing my typical high waisted pants and a long sleeve crop top. "why are you wearing a long sleeve it's like 100 degrees out right now," Robert asked as I walked into our shared office. "Robert you know I get cold easily," I say, which was a complete lie I wasn't wearing it because I was cold, I was wearing it because of the cuts on my arm. Nobody knew that though and nobody ever would know. "oh yeah I forgot about that," he says with a chuckle. After that I get to work editing the GG videos I didn't do yesterday. I always zoned out looking at Paul. I've had a huge crush on him since I started here but he's way out of my league. After a couple hours I look out the window and see Tanner walking towards our office door. I turn my chair towards the door and wait for him to burst in and he does exactly that. "hey tanner," I say. "hey n/n," he says. "what's up?" Robert asks. "the sky," Tanner says. "why are you like this?" I say rolling my eyes and laughing. "Hey! you better apologize" Tanner says and we all laugh. "I'm sowwy," I say with a pouty face. He opens his arms as to gesture that he wants a hug. I laugh and go hug him. Over his shoulder I see Paul looking at us with a look, it couldn't be jealousy could it? No y/n he would never like you, you're ugly. I let go of Tanner and go back to my desk. "bye Tanner," I say as he walks out. "bye you 2 little cave dwellers," he says with a chuckle. "Hey!" Robert and I say at the same time then laugh. That night I sit on my bathroom floor cry. He'll never like you. You're fat, dumb, ugly, and stupid. No guy will ever love you. He was right about everything he said to you. You are a worthless whore. I can't take it anymore. I grab my razor and slide it across my skin.

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I just kept going for what felt like forever until I heard a knock on my door. I quickly hid the blade washed my arm and covered it with the sleeve of my shirt. I open the door to see Paul standing there. "hey," I say my voice scratchy. "hey y/n I just- woah are you ok?" he asks. "yeah why?" I say looking down. "because you look like you've been crying," he says. I let him inside. "I may have been crying but please don't tell Tanner," I say quietly looking up into his eyes. He pulls me into a tight hug and whimper at the pain in my wrist. "sorry I didn't mean to hurt you," he says letting go. "it's not your fault," I say looking at my covered wrist. he notices this, "y/n please tell me you didn't do what I think you did," he says softly looking into my eyes. I just start crying. "let me see your wrists," he says softly kneeling down, grabbing my arm and carefully pulling up the sleeve. "where's your first aid kit?" he asks in his soft tone. I point to a cupboard in the kitchen and he sits me in the living room before running back and grabbing it. He starts wrapping my arm in bandages. "why, y/n, why'd you do it?" he asks finishing up the wrapping. "if I tell you, you can't tell anyone," I say looking into his eyes. I could stare into them for days. "ok I promise," he says sitting next to me. I tell him the whole story of my abusive ex and the things he did and said. I finish with, "Tanner is the only one that knows because he helped me out of the situation and got me a job at Hi5." He hugs me this time making sure to watch out for my wrist. "I had no idea you went through any of that," he says quietly as he pulls away. "I know that was the point of only telling Tanner. I didn't want everyone worrying about me or treating me different," I say. "I guess that makes sense but I'm here now and will always be here when you need to talk," he says pulling me in so that we are cuddling. "come on I'm not leaving you alone tonight and you need sleep," he says picking me up bridal style and carrying me to my bedroom. He sets me on my bed covers me up and starts to walk away until I grab his hand to stop him. "stay with me," I say sleepily. "of course," he says laying next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer, and kissing my forehead. "goodnight beautiful," he whispers. "goodnight Paul," I whisper back and we both fall asleep.

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