just for you (years 5-7)

chapter 40

christmas break, 1996, was both a lovely time and a horrible one.

i had theo, who usually had a knack for brightening up a room, and i had mum. it should have been amazing, spending the week with my mother and one of my closest friends.

but mum's been weeping a lot lately, about dad. we still don't know where he is, what company he's keeping— if he's still even alive anymore.

theo and i were too stressed about draco to be much fun at all.

we had moments of fun— we went to diagon alley and got ice cream (got brain freeze, instantly, but it was worth it). we played exploding snap and theo sang christmas carols terribly loudly as he ran through my house.

he made mum laugh when she looked like she was about to cry again, and then would excuse himself to let me talk to her and calm her down.

theo stayed in the room across the hall from me, and i only ventured across the hall once.

christmas eve night, my nightmares came back.

i was already tossing and turning, picturing myself walking through the maze. the hedges towered over me, threatening to consume me as i ventured further inside.

i heard screaming— fleur's screaming— in the distance, and i saw cedric's boggart body lying in front of me.

i walked right past him, i've gotten used to that part of the dream now.

but then, a new part came.

the part usually occupied by my father or krum, torturing me to no end.

i turned the corner, and i saw draco.

draco, my boyfriend, wand raised towards me, a scowl on his face.

the dark mark loomed and twisted over his head, hissing in my direction and glowing black.

i think i screamed. i think i told him to stop.

but my mind just echoed his words, "i was chosen. this is my moment."

my vision went black and i woke up in a sweat, immediately making my way to theo's room in tears.

he didn't make me explain, he just set out blankets and things on the floor next to his bed and took a seat, allowing me the mattress.

he chatted quietly for hours, about anything to get my mind off things until i fell asleep.

after that, things were better. we tried writing to draco, but the letters always returned unopened. theo supposed they probably couldn't even get past the gates, the manors got all kinds of wards around it now.

the last few days of break were brighter. we exchanged gifts, we sang, we laughed. i tried to push draco out of my mind until i could actually do something about it. there was no use driving myself insane when i couldn't even speak to him.

it made the return to hogwarts all the more difficult though, as all that blocking out hadn't truly prepared me to see him again.

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draco's pov

christmas break, 1996, was both a lovely time and a horrible one.

i hardly had an original thought the whole week. with so much of myself tucked away, locked behind walls or stuffed into boxes in my mind, i only thought in shapes, sounds, and colors.

i recognized my mother. i knew i loved her, and i could feel that i did, too. i hadn't blocked out any memories of her— they were all happy and inconsequential.