just for you (years 5-7)

chapter 9

draco's pov

if only she knew. if only she knew what the first words i heard were when i got back home.

"you have to take your father's place"

if she knew those seven words, she wouldn't be begging me to write her back. she probably would still be threatening to kill me, but for very different reasons.

but what the fuck was i supposed to do? i didn't have a choice. i would be dead, my mum would be dead, if i hadn't taken the oath. i might as well be dead. i feel like i am.

the first thing i thought was, why me? why not crabbe? or goyle or even nott? their father's got locked up too, so why don't they have to join up?

because my father was in charge of getting the prophecy and he failed. he royally screwed up and now i have to take the fall for it. just fucking brilliant.

funniest shit is- the mark burns. burns like hell. constantly. because i guess the pain of tearing my life apart wasn't enough.

i figured, at first, i would just hide it from her. i thought it would be difficult, to conceal my whole left forearm whenever we were together, but i would do it. i would find a way.

and then, i got pulled in further, and i knew there was no going back.

more threats, "do this or i'll kill you and your family. all your loved ones"

loved ones. her.

not much of a choice, is it?

so i agreed.

mum cried.

i didn't. i don't think i have any tears left.

and then i wrote her, told her it was over. no way was i getting her tied up in this. she's been through enough for me, and this... this is next level.

and if i can't go through with it then she won't get hurt.

she may hate me now. but she would hate me either way, if she knew what i have to do.

kill our headmaster.

who the fuck makes a kid do that?

but of course, she won't let me go. she won't just accept that i'm not good for her. i'm probably the furthest thing from good for her. and i can't let her go either, not truly. but i can fake it. feign annoyance, push her away. just push her far enough out of bounds that none of the shrapnel from the impending explosion hits her. that's my only goal.

i don't know why i ask her to meet me at diagon alley. it's stupid. i'm not even buying school books, i'm going to a fucking meeting. a fucking death eater's meeting and i just invited her to meet me beforehand. cause i'm a fucking idiot.

__________________________

your pov

i wake up the morning of the first with my stomach tied in knots. i walk around my room in a trance, changing into at least twenty outfits before finally settling on one. i put on baggy blue jeans, that hug my waist perfectly. draco said he liked them once, i suppose that's why i was drawn to wear them. i put on a white t-shirt, pulling a loose, cropped green cardigan on over it and piecing together the buttons. in the mirror, i look myself over, taking in a breath as my eyes land on my chest. the necklace. still haven't taken it off. spineless idiot. i say to myself, staring daggers at the necklace in the mirror like it will make it disappear.

with a sigh, i turn away from my own reflection, picking my sneakers up off the floor and slipping them on. the pile of letters on my desk haunts me. eight letters, that's all i have right now. those and this stupid fucking necklace i can't seem to bear to take off. eight little letters of scribbled sentences on ripped pieces of paper, rushed snippets taken from his life. his handwritings changed. it's not as neat. the letters aren't even in envelopes, just little slips of paper clasped in his owl's talons as he flew towards my window. i hope he's overreacting about everything. but i think i know it's deeper than that... something is seriously wrong.