ILLICIT | PJM

Fifty : a page from his diary

My dearest Ayla,

If you're reading this then i assume that my second soulmate gave this to my first one, which is you of course. And if you're reading this, then unfortunately I'm not here with you. Or in a condition to tell you this.

I love you, more than anything ever created in any universe. I can say this a million times but i will never get satisfied. You know there are times when you want the time to move faster than the speed of light? And when it does a moment leaps and you want the time to be suspended. To never even exist in the first place.

My life was like this before you. I wanted the time to move so expeditiously, that I didn't even realise when you entered my hellhounds. But when you did, my life took a 360 degree turn. Silently wishing for every moment to last more than infinity but they didn't. For once I thought that I wasn't slowly dying rather living. Looking forward to another sunrise in hopes to see that face of yours when it lit up at most profound things.

Our paths crossed like formulas, unaware that we would actually get an answer. Like providence of the universe you saved me like my six brothers did. My heart beats so fast, it was like a language of rhythms telling that you and bangtan were the reason for it in the first place. From the second big bang happened, maybe in the coming infinite centuries, I pray that our paths keep crossing cause I really don't need anyone else. I have us and that is enough.

In that darkness you were shining so bright. Our worlds are dark again but I want you to be your own light. To keep moving forward after everything which happened because destiny was jealous. Don't be that 'I don't give a care', emotionless but an emotional mess in heart, hiding feelings like a pro type of girl. Be that shining brightly alone and happy type of lady.

Thank you for those moments which when I reminisce make my mood brighter. Thank you for that small infinity which you gifted me in a numbered amount of moments.

Behind that faint smile I'll draw a light. May we never walk this life together but I'll wait. For you. In another life.

For as long as I live and for as long as I love, till the last moment where my soul's energy will wither like a wasted particle of ash. I will always be with you in your heart, with your soul, silently guiding you.

I'm sorry.

From your Precious Jimshit,
Your v-card and heart stealer.

He helped her fight when she was giving in. When she was breaking and crumbling. He gave her a shoulder. He became her life saviour. He became a reason to hang on too. He became a part of her, a part too precious to be letting off. 

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BEFORE YOU KILL ME AND SEND ME OFF TO SAVAGES
I REPEAT THERE'S A FINALE LEFT.