December
Amelia
"I love you," I tell Harry
I giggle as I cup his rosy cheeks in my hands and press my lips to his. He hums and deepens the kiss, his tongue just barely meeting mine in a delicate duel, causing me to smile.
"I love you," I tell him again, pulling away slightly so I can speak.
I study his reaction before kissing him again, desperately waiting for him to respond, but he doesn't. He just looks at me with his dull green eyes that lack their usual sparkle. I frown and drop my hands from his cheeks, abandoning my longing kiss altogether.
"What's wrong?" Harry asks me, a look of concern etched in his features.
"You won't say it back," I say in a small voice.
"Say what back?"
"That you love me,"
Harry furrows his eyebrows as he looks at me.
"Why would I?" he asks me.
My heart sinks at his words. Surely he doesn't mean it. How could he?
"Don't you love me?" I ask, my voice slightly cracking.
Harry backs away from me on the bed we sit on, creating space between us. He looks confused, causing me to feel a deep kind of pain in my chest - the kind that hurts me all the way to my soul.
"No," he says.
He hastily stands up, backing away from me with his hands out in front of him like he's trying to protect himself or keep me away from him. I stand up as well, my eyes glossing over and my body beginning to tremble.
"Why?" I ask him.
"Look at you," Harry tells me, his demeanor suddenly changing from confusion to anger and hostility. His green eyes darken and his face flushes from frustration. "How could I?"
I awake with a start, abruptly sitting up and holding a hand to my chest while I catch my breath. It was just a dream, I tell myself. It wasn't real.
Adrenaline courses through my body as I attempt to calm down. This has been happening fairly regularly. The nightmares didn't start right away, but the past week or so has been difficult. Maggie said it's normal for this to happen. It's my mind's subconscious way of exploiting my insecurities. I mainly dream of Harry rejecting me in some way or another, or I dream of my teeth falling out. Both relate to fears I have, as well as falling out of control.
I glance to my left at the clock on the nightstand and see it's only eleven at night. I must have only been asleep for an hour at most. I remember laying down around ten and then I suppose I passed out soon after. I've been beyond tired lately, both from work and stress. Plus, regrettably so, I have trouble sleeping without Harry by my side. He's my other half, and always will be. It's hard being away from him but I know it's the right thing to do for myself so I don't lose control of who I am.
My heart rate refuses to slow down, causing me to internally panic. Part of me wants to call Harry for validation that the dream I had wasn't real, but I don't think that's the best idea. I already want to break down during over scheduled, short phone calls that we have during the week. Calling randomly is just a recipe for disaster, plus we never do it unless it's an emergency - that was one of the rules we set and this just doesn't fall under that category.
