Wasn't Expecting You

San Diego

The flight from Phoenix to San Diego was quick. I hadn't flown much in my life, in fact this was only my third time ever flying. It was certainly a different experience with Sophia and Joey in premium economy rather than the cheap seats at the back of the plane. We had enjoyed the business lounge before the flight with massage chairs and an all you can eat buffet. It was a far cry from the over priced airport food court.

When I was 9 my dad took me to Miami for a weekend. He had an old college friend that lived there and took us to a Miami Heat vs LA Lakers game. It was one of the best weekends I ever had with Dad. Just the two of us enjoying the beach, basketball and each other. Mom was too sick, apparently, to join us. She hadn't acknowledged me for a week before or two weeks after we returned. Even at 9 years old, I understood she was jealous that I had taken dad away from her for a weekend. The guilt she made me feel, I now understand was emotional abuse.

The second time I flew anywhere, Helen and Craig took us on a small family vacation to Boston while Grace was doing college tours. We spent most of the time touring campuses or in the hotel room because it was cold and rainy. But it felt like we were a happy, normal family on vacation.

All of those flights were happy times in my life. Now though, I was a nervous wreck. I tried to distract myself by watching other people and families and trying to imagine what their story would be. Why were they here in the airport today? I bet none of them just had their derelict mother die and found out they had a half brother all in one day.

It was 4pm by the time we landed in San Diego, too late to go to the prison today. So instead Sophia hired a car and we head to our hotel. I called Ali that morning and she said she would meet us at the hotel lobby. Helen and Craig were also meeting us later for dinner. Although they no longer fostered children, they still had plenty of connections in San Diego that could help me.

We pulled up to the valet parking of our hotel. I wasn't even surprised to see she had picked one of the most luxurious 5 star resorts right on the beach. If you can afford it, then why not! Everything looked expensive, from the impeccably manicured garden beds by the front doors to the plush couches in the lobby and the perfectly polished counter at reception. Even the bell boys luggage trolleys were polished perfectly.

"Morgan!" I heard my name the moment we entered the foyer to check in.

"Ali! I didn't expect you to be here already," I exclaimed as my best friend enveloped me in a hug.

"Of course I'm here," she said pulling away and taking my face in her hands to inspect me. "Are you ok? And don't you dare tell me what you think I want to hear!"

"Honestly, I wish people would stop asking me that. I'm fine, or as fine as I can be in this situation! I'm dealing with it."

"You'll forgive me for not quite trusting you. I know you, you tell everyone you are ok because you think you need to fight every battle on your own. But you aren't on your own Morgan," she says hugging me again.

"I know I'm not alone," I mutter into her shoulder, feeling defeated.

Ali let me go and gave Joey a hug hello as well. I noticed them muttering to each other, just as everyone else had been around me since hearing the news. It was like they all thought I was made of glass and at any moment I could shatter.

I turned to pick up my handbag again to join Sophia while they discussed my well-being when I jumped at Ali's voice again.

"Morgan! You didn't mention that you had a panic attack!" She scolded.

I glared at Joey who looked only slightly apologetic, "Because it's not a big deal. It was just a little one and Joey helped me calm down. It was a natural reaction to the situation I think!" I defended myself.