i could be your pretty girl [clairo fan fic]

thirty five

Moons pov

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"good morning sleepy head how have you been doing..." a soft voice grew closer to me as my eyes shot open.

"woah, you scared me there, I didn't expect you to already be awake..." Ezra said a little taken back since I opened my eyes with such a sudden motion. I laughed a little and sat up from the mattress I had been sleeping on the  past 3 days.

"sorry, I just haven't been sleeping the best ever since... well you know..." I said, gritting my teeth and inhaling sharply as I said the last words of the sentence.

"yeah understandable..." Ezra said softly as I scooted over on the mattress, patting my hand onto the soft sheets, gesturing for him to take a set next to me. He took the offer and sat down next to me and put his feet into the sheets.

"you know what I have noticed though?" Ezra said making eye contact with me and then glancing at the TV.

"what?" I raised my voice a little in question.

"you seem a lot happier. I know It's only been a few days and of course you still are recovering from the whole situation, but your attitude towards it has been really good I think. You already seem to be a lot happier." he said as he began to pick up the TV remote and turn it on.

I know Ezra was just being nice ,as he usually was, but in some way or another, those words felt like a warm hug, something that I just really needed to hear. I untensed my muscles I didn't even realize that I had clenched in the first place, deeply exhaled and greeted his kind words with a genuine smile.

"thank you Ezra, seriously, I appreciate it so much" is all I could think of to say in the moment since I was still taking in the information. 

"its okay, hey..." he said patting my back in a friendly manner and springing up from his position grabbed the TV remote and put some music on.

"cmon lets shuffle this playlist and get you ready." he said

"get ready... for what??" I asked confusion in my tone of voice.

"well I was thinking we could go into town today a bit later, full out go and get a meal together. you've been through a lot and I want to treat you." he said with his pure grin. i pointed the edges of my mouth down suppressing a smile.

"what the fuck" I whispered to myself grinning fully now.

"I would really love that, but I'm gonna pay though ok." I insisted hopping up as he pressed shuffle on the playlist and tired by beabadoobee began to play.

"what's the point in me treating you then, just let me pay ok" he said taking his smooth hands and ruffling up my hair.

"fine" I smiled, squinting my eyes and seeing his face become a blur between my eyelashes.

"ok lets get you fixed up"  he suggested and began to hum along to the song. I grabbed a binbag which I still hadn't sorted through next which lay next to the sofa I was by. Inside I found a lacy vest which I layered with a shirt, and then also grabbed a pair of oversized jeans as Ezra made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. it was 11am so brunch really...

"Ezra don't come back into the living room, I'm changing!" I called to him as I could still hear him singing from there and in the middle of his song he shouted back

"okay let me know when you're good to go!" and I slipped on my clothes, and as I pulled up my jeans, I noticed how chipped my nail polish on my nails were and cringed at the sight of them. Naturally I grabbed my makeup bag and began to put on some light mascara and some eyeliner. Focusing, I tried to still my hands as i drew the wing and the song came to an end.

But as the next song came on... my heart dropped and I placed my mirror down on the arm of the couch. 

"Polaroid of you dancing in my room... I want to remember I think was about noon." I took in a deep breath and let it go. I just smiled softly, although this song stung I tried to just not have any hard feeling and just enjoy the song. After all it still was a good song, however it just held memories with it.

all of a sudden I heard random erratic  crashing sounds from the kitchen. Whipping my neck around to see if Ezra was ok. He came stumbling out of the door with his hands over his eyes, and he came running into the room.

"Ahh I'm sorry Moon I have the remote I'll skip this one." He said worry in his tone of voice.

"Ezra I've finished changing you can open your eyes" I giggled. Then he slowly peeled his hands away from his eyes and looked down at me. I sat peering up at him with a smile plastered across my face, I found this situation rather hilarious.

"You're ok?" he said

"yes I'm doing fine, you don't have to skip the song I like this one I'm listening to it" I chuckled

"oh, so you're already over her, that's really good Moon. Just remember it's okay t be upset about this ok" he said placing the remote next to me, so that I could change the song if I ever changed my mind.

"of course, thank you"

"also I'm making us grilled cheese toasties. hope that's cool" he said just before he returned to the kitchen.

"that sounds perfect thank you" I said picking up the small mirror I had next to me so I could finish my makeup.

I listened to the lyrics of the song deeply listening to each and every drum and every pitch in her voice. It hurt my throat felt like it had tightened a little. Little pitches in her voice reminded me of how she would sing around when she was with me, when she would hold my hand and look at me with those stunning eyes. I longed to be able to listen to music without associating it to her.

"I'm alone now but it's better for me"

The song continued and as that line came on it felt as though it had struck into my soul. I know I had been portraying myself as ok with this entire situation to Ezra, but in reality, I didn't want to come across as weak. I wanted Ezra and Claire as well, to think I was stronger than this situation and that this breakup didn't mean that much to me. Although to me, it was quite the opposite.

Was she really ok with this? Claire had been through breakups like this before clearly portrayed by her songs... I guess I was just another one of her girls right? The whole time we were together, it felt as though I could never see it coming to an end, but I'm just naïve. I don't know to much about the real world and how it works. 

"Moon! your toast is ready..." Ezra sang operatically as he came skipping with our meals into the living room, sitting next to me with a grin.

Passing me my sandwich I took a bite into it trying not to get the dripping cheese onto my vest.

"mmh this is really good thanks" I said my mouth still full

"no problem queen. Also the fit today looks amazing, you are actually so pretty. Claire doesn't deserve you" he said then took a bite. I blushed a little and just nodded my head in response.

"you better put on something too" i said

"of course, let me just finish eating first jeez" he teased and rolled his eyes.

"of course im sorry" I laughed