With You in the Middle of Nowhere

40

Dumaan pa muna si Heleina sa shop ko nang makaalis kami sa sementeryo. She bought the latest bag that costs almost half of hundred thousands. Ika niya pa ay worth it naman daw, bagay sa kanya, bago niya napagdesisyonang umuwi dala ang binili.

Kinumusta ko rin ang iilang consistent at loyal staffs na andiyan simula pa noong hindi pa ganoon ka kilala ang shop. Hindi ko maipagkakaila na madami rin talagang pumupunta at bumibili sa shop ko at siyempre, hindi mawawala ang mga papuri.

Nang makauwi ay nadatnan kong muli si Chris na natutulog. Nakapatong lang ang ulo niya sa armrest habang kunot na kunot ang mga noo.

I wonder if he knows.

Pero desidido na ako na kay lolo nalang magtanong tungkol doon. Gusto ko mang itanggi ngunit kinukutuban akong hindi single si mama nang isinilang ako. Malakas talaga ang kutob ko na kasal siya.

Kanino kaya? Napailing nalang ako dahil sa mga isipin. I shouldn't stress myself over this. Mabibigyan rin ng mga kasagutan ang mga tanong ko. Patience, Leina. Patience. Hindi kailangan minamadali.

Atat na akong makilala si Papa, or Dad, whatever kung buhay pa.

I shrugged it all off.

At dahil tulog si Chris, naligo nalang muna ako at nagbihis pangtulog.

This day was so tiring, I don't know why. I feel exhausted so I grab some wine, pour a bit of it and brought it to the veranda while sipping mildly.

The veranda looked so fancy. It is made of glass, from the ceiling to its walls, with a long L shaped couch at may single glass table ito sa gitna. I placed the wine and the wineglass there and reached for my phone. I played Solita by Kali Uchis.

Sumimsim ako ng kaunti habang nakapan-de-kwatrong nakaupo. I'm just wearing my lacey bedwear with just my underwear inside because I just wanna relax and feel a little bit tipsy before I go to bed.

The palm trees outside was looking so calm while the clear green grass is so peaceful to see that it gives me chills. The night sky seems so perfect as I watched through the glassceilings. And the moon... so bright.

What a night.

Bahagya kong itinabingi ang ulo at sumandal sa couch. My body was now swaying throughly with the music with my eyes closed, wondering if I drank a bit much, maybe, but I didn't care.

I just wanna own the night. Alone.

I stood up and sway a little more, started moving my hips. My hands reached for my neck and slowly traveled my body. The night breeze conspires with my dancing that's making me think like I'm floating in the air.

I love this song. It makes me feel who I am tonight.

Another sip and I danced again with the rhythm.

Life... what a life.

If only I could rewind the time... I will just hope that I didn't associate with this kind of situation. But will pain heal if I stayed? Will I survive by not knowing it all? What if not? It's too obvious. And my choice... I'm glad I chose them. Because I wouldn't be who I am now if I stayed. They are a threat. Dangerous.

Now... Am I really free?

The music switched into Die for you by The Weeknd. My heart almost exploded when I heared it play. I'm a huge fan and I'm inlove with his songs.

I swayed my hips, feeling the music inside my system.

I'm finding ways to articulate
the feeling I'm going through
I just can't say I don't love you
Cause I love you, yeah