With You in the Middle of Nowhere

13

Playlist for this chapter

Greer - Stay Clear
Greer - Paper birds

Been addicted to their songs recently and I've listen to it over and over again so I might share my vibe with you.

***

"Thanks for today Chris," I said.

Narito kami sa gate ng apartment na tinutuluyan ko. Yakap ko ang sarili habang siya naman ay nakapamulsa at presenteng nakatayo sa harap ko.

He nodded. "Mag ingat ka lagi. Call me when something's off."

He stepped forward. Hinalikan niya ako sa noo. My cheeks flushes a second as my heart doubled a beat.

"Good night Leina,"

"Good night Chris,"

He waved and drove away.

As soon as I enter my place, I felt safe again. Tingin ko ay kapag nasa labas na ako, malapit ako sa disgrasya. Bumuntong hininga ako at lumakad tungong cabinet, inamoy amoy ko pa ang sarili bago ako nagdesisyong magpalit. Pinatay ko ang ilaw.

Nang sa wakas ay nahiga ako sa kama, saglit akong tumitig sa kisame pagkatapos ay sa larawan ni Chris na nakasabit katapat ng kama. Napaisip ako, buti hindi nabaliw ang utak ko sa mga pangyayari! May nakakakilig, nakakalungkot at nakakapanghina. Sabay kong nararamdaman sa isang saglit lang. Bumuntong hininga ako at sinubukang pumikit ngunit sadyang hindi talaga ako makatulog. Binaling ko ang katawan sa side table at kinuha ang phone ko doon.

Tiningnan ko kung mayroon ba itong mensahe galing sa kung nino man at hindi nga ako nagkamali. Atat ko pang binasa iyon.

Chris: can't sleep. thank you for today, you made me so happy. can't wait to see you again.

I replied as fast as I could, giggling.

Me: salamat rin. sobrang saya ko ngayon.

I smiled. Lagi naman, sa tuwing kasama kita.

I felt relief and that feeling brought me a better sleep.

The next day I take a shower and prepare my things. My plan was to paint and to grocery shopping since it's a free day. Hindi ko alam kung maisipan ba ni Shena at Sean na bisitahin ako but I won't mind though I missed them, but they have their life to deal with so I understand.

To paint sounds pretty cool but it's not that easy. It's hard to doubt yourself and allowing yourself to produce good image at the same time. But making art seem like a bulletproof, no one could ever stop you from doing it when you really love it.

Sa loob ng kwarto ako nagsimulang magpinta, nakalatag na lahat ng mga gagamitin.

I was thinking for a window to paint. Windows symbolizes views of opinions and perception, a new start it is. I started to paint what's on my mind.

Art is my way of expressing my feelings since I'm really bad at words so I drew something to express my emotions, words isn't just enough for me. It is my way to escape the trouble I've encountered but sometime I use them to show off. May isang araw pa nga na umiiyak ako habang nagpipinta. It was me, bruised. The time when Heleina and Mom was mad at me, like very mad that it got me lost for a while. Naibenta ko na ang larawang iyon.

Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang pero dumadami na ang mga naiipon ko ngayong mga araw. Sa mga susunod na mga taon, balak ko sanang mag publish ng mga libro at hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko iyon gagawin. Bahala na si batman!