Caught In Your Chaos ✓

Chapter Thirty-Six

A million voices were screaming in my head, all the different versions of me but none like the one I was with Jake at that moment. All those voices were pulling me back from whatever trance I was in, but the desire to live that euphoric feeling was too much. I could feel the goosebumps rising and the tingles running loose all over my skin. And most of all, the rhythm of his heartbeats made me give in to the urge to let my lips have the taste of his burning skin.

So, that's what I did in the middle of the cold seawater, bathed in moonlight and burnt with passion- I let my lips touch behind his ear in the most gentle of touches. He shuddered the moment my lips made contact on his skin, his hold on my waist tightened, and I wanted to have him hold me like that forever.

"Amy!" he pressed his head in the crook of my neck and groaned. His ragged breath trickled my skin. "What- what are you doing?" his strained voice made me tremble in his hold. I let my lips press a little more on his skin, my teeth grazing lightly on his soft flesh. I couldn't hold back the moan that escaped from the back of my throat. I was on fire and ready to burn into ashes any moment if we were not standing in the cold sea. My footing on the sand came loose, and as if on instinct, he balanced me on his feet. I was standing on his feet. Our intimacy was beyond the hold of my sanity.

"Jake!" I mumbled over his skin as electricity ran wild through my veins. My other hand found its place on his soft curls, my fingers carding through them in a slow rhythm. I could feel his ragged breathing on my neck and his fingers bruising my skin as I sucked on his tattoo with a little more vigor. Jake was still not letting go. I could feel the way he was holding himself back. But why? Did he not desire me as I did? My hand on his chest rose and fell with each of his heartbeats. I had never felt anything like that before, something that felt too real to be my imagination.

The realization dawned into my mind, and I stilled in his hold. It was real. Everything that I was feeling or living wasn't my imagination. It was indeed happening. All my actions came to an abrupt stop. My fingers stilled on his hair, and my lips stopped their movement on his skin. What was I doing? Did I lose control again? And in the worst way possible, I messed up. I panicked and loosened all my hold on his body, ready to drown in the sea if he hadn't kept holding my waist.

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered, trying to get away from him. I had embarrassed myself yet again.

"Amy," His voice was calm. How could he be so composed? Was all that was happening between us a moment ago had no impact on him?

"I- I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what happened." I blabbered in one breath trembling in his hold.

"Hey, look at me," he said, placing one of his hands on my cheek. "Relax, you don't have to be sorry about anything." His thumb caressed my cheek gently.

"No! how could you say that," I mustered up all my courage and looked up at him. He had a calm smile on his face as if there was no tension between us. "I tried to-to...," I couldn't finish. My mind got clouded with the wrong ways he could comprehend my behavior. Another moment of silence, and I felt like locking myself up in a dark room, away from facing the consequences of my actions.

He held my face with both of his hands, running his thumbs on my cheeks. His gentle touches gave me some comfort, and I took a deep sigh holding back the tears that were threatening to pour down. "It was in the heat of the moment, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. You don't have to be sorry, Amy," his assuring words soothed me.

"But I'm I- I've never done anything like this before," the truth was too embarrassing, but I couldn't help as it skipped past my lips.

"Wait- you've never done that before? Was it your first time to be this close to a guy?" he asked with a bit of surprise in his tone. I felt like the most naive and inexperienced person at that moment. He had been with so many girls who were way more creative. I gave him a nod and looked away.

"Should I be honored? That I'm the only one who can stir your desires," he said, lowering his voice and moving his head an inch closer to mine. He once again rendered me speechless, knowing very well that his words were the very truth I had been avoiding.

"I'm cold," the words rushed out of my lips, and I gulped down the lump forming in my throat. I needed to go away from Jake as soon as possible. Because every second I spent with him made me someone new, someone I knew he didn't want. After all, I was compensating for someone special in his life, for god sake. Even I was supposed to keep him only for Arya. He was just a character in my novel, nothing more than that, right?

"Yeah, right," he cleared his throat and mumbled. "It's cold. We should head back. Also, don't think about it much. There's nothing wrong in admiring a good art."

"Huh!" I looked at him, puzzled. My eyes widened when he ran his fingers over the tattoo behind his ear. I could see the red mark around it. Did I give him a hickey? I smirked internally. But Jake smirked at my face making my cheeks burn. He was enjoying my flustered state, not that I wasn't enjoying my fantasies a moment ago. We both stepped away from each other, and he offered me his hand as we moved towards the shore.

I was practically soaked and tried ignoring the wet clothing against my skin. Jake was not looking in my direction, well aware that I wasn't very covered. At least, I was sure of one thing that Jake wasn't a perv. The revelation had me smiling a little. I quickly put on my jeans and fiddled with the hem of my wet shirt. The hoodie he offered was not around.

"Put this on. My hoodie is in the car," he said, offering his t-shirt. He had put on his jean, but his torso was still naked and wet. I couldn't stop my eyes from taking in his glistering tattooed upper body. Smacking my head mentally, I took the black t-shirt from his hand and quickly changed. I was drowning in his shirt, which was too big for my frame.

Once I was fully dressed, he turned towards me. His eyes lingered on my exposed collarbones from where his shirt slipped off my left shoulder. I squirmed under the intensity of his gaze, and he gulped and quickly averted his eyes to the front. We picked up our shoes and headed back to the car in absolute silence. There was something new building up between us. Something I had never wished to happen, but it was inevitable to stop.

"Are you up for an early dinner?" he broke the silence as we reached the car parking. He pulled out his hoodie from the car trunk. I nodded as he gave it to me and opened the door to the back seat. He leaned on the closed door as I quickly switched his t-shirt with the hoodie and tapped on the door.

"You look cute in my clothes," he said with a smirk as I stepped out of the car.

"Why did I agree to go out with you again? Oh, I know. You blackmailed me." I scoffed at him, tossing his t-shirt on his face. He laughed, grabbing the half-wet t-shirt and pulling it down his head. I couldn't help but laugh with him as we got in the car.

Even though I pushed all my thoughts aside for a few minutes, I could never forget the feeling of our touch, passion resonated in every corner of my mind and soul. I could do anything to relive that moment again. But I knew that desire could be the end of me. And I wasn't ready to lose myself, not yet.