For once without Plan-B

Chapter-18: Feelings and Emotions !!!

Drake POV:

More than 2 years is what I have waited to pursue Hele. Needless to say I felt elated when she said she wanted to know what more than friends means. It felt as if I had conquered the whole world. But I could see wheels turning in her head. I never want her to hide her feelings, I want her to express and subsequently know what she thinks , how she thinks.

I was right , she had something to say. Truth to be told I was scared. What if she was just pulling my leg. My heart was pounding against my chest. But she surprised me by kissing me.

Her lips tasted as sweet as chocolate donuts, my absolute favourite. At first I froze but when I realised she was pulling herself away I couldn't let her go. I waited for this moment. Waited like crazy would also be an understatement. Once we pulled back, I wanted to tell her that "it was amazing and I want to repeat it again and again and again". But she cut me off and spoke words which hit me hard.

I wanted to be mad, but what she said was reality. She has a damn job awaiting in NY, I on the other hand am planning to set up my own business and also help mom and Krystle to take care of De Riveria – which implies there is no way I can go along with her to NY. I can never ask her to stay back for me here in Amsterdam or Ghent, that would be the most selfish thing to do and I know Hele would never agree and even if she agrees I would die out of guilt for taking away her career from her. What was I thinking when I was saying that I wanted to be with her, to take care of her and blah blah blah. Our relation would never work, Hele is right, we can never be together.

Repeating this sentence was forming knots in my stomach and thinking about leaving her was choking me. I was not in a sane state of mind to think rational. Why has things to be so difficult. Why should the moments be ruined. I couldn't sit as calm as her, so I got up and decided not to disturb her. There is nothing we could do, there is no way this relation would proceed. I had to kill every feeling I developed for her within me as soon as possible. But is it possible? I don't think so, not after tasting her lips , not after knowing that she wants to see where this goes.

I walked aimlessly for a while but decided that losing my composure is not going to do anything good for either of us. So we leave things as they are at the moment. Be the roommates and move in our own directions. Gulping the chaos running within me, I reached the camping site and found Pearl and Bert smiling and talking to each other.

I felt jealous. I can never have those moments with Hele. I can never experience these sweet nothings with her. So much for asking her to let go off every thoughts and live in the moment.

When Pearl hit Bert a smile formed on my lips and the feeling of jealousy soon wiped away, they are my best friends and I would never ever wish them to go through the pain I and Hele are going through. Smiling I continued taking strides towards them and cleared my throat to get their attention.

"Finally! look who's back?" Bert winked at Pearl

"Where is Hele?" Pearl asked

"Umm...she ..I think want to have some time alone...so I came back" I half lied.

"You both okay?" Bert asked looking at me. I knew he would instantly find something wrong with me with a single look.

I nodded not really feeling like sharing what happened between Hele and I.

"I will go change and come, we can cook something to fill ourselves then?'' they both nodded and I entered our tent.

Looking around , I sat on the sleeping bag reminiscing all the things I planned to talk to her, places I wanted take her. But now nothing matters, it ended even before it began. I closed my eyes and laid on the sleeping bag and slipped myself into sleep. "