Everything | (Natasha Romanoff X Reader)

Chapter 10

Y/N

When I was upstairs everyone was leaving. I was annoyed that I couldn't help but if I did, I know that the pain i'm feeling now will get worse. Once they had gone, I sat down in the lounge. I had no idea where Nat was but right now I didn't care. Doing some training didn't clear my mind at all. The mission with Bucky replayed in my head over and over. I didn't deserve to be here. After everything I have done, I don't deserve to live the life I do now.

"Food is ready" Natasha walked in to tell me before leaving. I didn't answer her, too concentrated on my own thoughts.

"Y/n? Did you hear me? The food is ready." She walked up closer to me. I wanted to say something but i couldn't.

"You okay?" Natasha crouched down in front of me.

"Why did you guys let me be part of your team?" I ask, tears threatening to leave my eyes, but I trapped them.

"What do you mean?" She sat beside me, I could tell the Natasha that cried for me, and had a laugh with me on the mission was coming out.

"You all know the awful things I have done. Did you not just hear about the mission me and Bucky went on? I'm a monster" I tell her, still looking directly in front of me.

"Does that make me a monster then? I've done awful things as well, you know, I've killed people, children. Hell, I've probably done worse things than anyone could imagine." I didn't know much about her past except what Tony told me but I had an image of what she was capable of.

"Listen, SHEILD gave me a second chance, and now we are giving you one. We know you didn't want to do all that stuff. And now we are giving you a chance to make up for it." She gave me a smile as I looked at her.

"Why are you doing this?" She was confusing me. Being nice one minute then rude the next.

"What do you mean?" I could tell she knew what I meant.

"You are really nice one minute then rude the next. You always make an excuse to go on missions so you don't have to stay here with me and now you are here, you're being nice again. I don't understand." I knew I was being risky having a go at her but I couldn't help it. I knew she had let her soft side come out just now, I was threatening to push it away.

"If it's hard for you to understand, then I won't bother being nice at all." And at that she walks out the room. I knew I had messed up but there was no point chasing after her, she needed time alone.

I knew I messed up, I always do. I walked into the kitchen and found two plates of pizza and fries. I felt bad that I had a go at Nat after she had done this.

Natasha

Y/n was right, I probably was confusing her. I wanted to try ignore her and be rude to her to be able to convince myself that I had no feelings for her. However, every time I looked at her or heard her voice, I would change. She would make the feelings stronger and I hated it. I was annoyed at her for doing this to me. I've never felt this feeling before so i needed to get rid of it. She was making it to hard.

She did have a go at me so I decided the best way to stop doing anything stupid, I should leave. She was the most annoying person, I hated some of the things she said or did. At least, I tried to convince myself that.

Y/N

My time here at the compound, being part of this team wasn't going so well. I had been shot on an incredibly easy mission. I have started to get feeling for a complicated, red haired assassin, and my past has already started haunting me.